2000-09-18-Rollercoaster

Today was a very hard day. Emotionally I was all over the charts. Thinking about work, no money, selling off Janus fund, selling dad's business, My mom, the divorce. I have decided that I am going to be nice to Maryann, but I will no longer divest feelings into this marriage. She is on her own to deal with feelings about this marriage. She can call Mark and get answers from him.

I feel that Maryann has a lot of issues that she is going to have to work out. I wish her the best. I do know that we are not right for each other. I have been putting her on a pedestal lately.

I will never do that again. By doing that you say that the other person is better than yourself. I focus now on me. I am trying to find a place by Octber 1st. I think it will be good for both of us. Tomorrow i have to get the divorce papers in order and file them.

I had someone call on the volvo today. I hope I can sell it that way I can get a Jeep, the Jeep that I have wanted for so long. I am not sure about Jasmine. I am not sure if I will be able to take her with me. Depends on where I live.

Regarding Maryann and I, I hope she can work on her esteem issues. I love me and I am awesome. I will work to ensure that this time I find the right person. I am not accepting second best. I am a good person, I am on this journey for a reason, with that reason becoming more evident daily. I respect myself and those around me

Until next time...

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