September 25, 2000 - Monday

Today was a tough day. I feel bad that I don't have a job. Maryann was upset all day. She is stressed and seems to really want the divorce. Oh well, i can't control what she does. She can't handle my stability issue. She wants to have a family and wants to know that I will be a stable rock. It is hard when i was the only one putting forth the effort and working two jobs to keep our household afloat.

I need to move on and find someone who appreciates me. I need someone who will love me for who I am. So far no good. I have settled. Tomorrow is an active job search day. I look at jasmine (our chocolate lab) and I realize how much she loves me. She has been sleeping on my bed since we separated several months ago.

What a great friend she is. Loves without judging and just wants to be played with in exchange. That is love, unconditional.... My feelings are that of sadness. I always shoot for the best, but in this situation, I don't get what i shoot for.

Broke...When i move out, i will be flat broke without a penny to my name. You cant live your life in accordance to anyone else. Make your rules and stick to your guns.. More tomorrow. I love me!

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