October 5, 2000-Thursday

Today was move out day. Very wierd. I got everything done by 2pm. I ate lunch and went to counseling. Good session. She prompted me to keep a positive network of friends and stay active.

In a quest for a new relationship, whenever that happens, I need to define what I want out of that relationship. I want someone who will love me for me, unconditionally. I want someone who won't quit when things get rough as they sometimes do. I want someone who won't consider abortion as an option to pregnancy. I want someone who wants to build a home, not a dwelling. I want someone who loves to share and will allow me to become a great listener. I want someone who is not afraid to commit long term. I also know I need to work on consistency. I say one thing and do another. I have been sending mixed messages...i want to become more focused.

Maryann and I had dinner together. She cooked her famous fried rice with chorizo. I hooked up her stereo and decided to leave. It was wierd, when i went up to our room, it was like the day i moved in. Very unexplainable feeling. Maryann wanted a hug before i left. I think she wanted affirmation that everthing was going to be okay. I don't know what it is going to be. I said i was sorry, but if i hugged her, i would break down and cry. I wanted to...but i just knew i would have been a wreck.

More tomorrow...

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