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Showing posts from April, 2001

Sex Addict?

Major revelation.  I think I may be addicted to sex.  I really like having sex.  You can't fix a problem until you realize there is a problem.  Part of me likes this addiction and doesn't know if I want to fix it.  I do know that i definitely need more of it.

Not much else to talk about today

Until next time...

2001-04-26 Business and Everquest

Pretty uneventful day.  Worked on the fitness networks website as well as travel planners.  I want to fine tune my plans with the website as far as what I want to do.  "Specializing in meetings and incentive programs".  That is kind of the direction that I want to go with.  I need to get fired up and jazzed about doing this.  I want to get people involved.  I want others to share in the enthusiasm.  Anyhow, one day at a time, one thing at a time.  I do need to plan out the purpose of the website and see if names are available.  From there print out business cards.  I reckon I will be best off by tackling this thing slowly and develop it to the best of my ability.

I have decided to cut down on playing everquest.  Way to much time wasted on that game as some sort of escape from my reality.  I am also sad because I don't have a car and because of my Mom's situation.

I am trying to stay focused and attracting a new and better life.

Until next time...

2001-04-25-Tuesday

Well still broke but coping.  Today was an interesting day for me.  I ran errands and then came home to check email.  I had not checked my yahoo messenger account in a while.  There was a message from a couple that must have seen an ad I placed a long time ago on adult friend finder.  They were interested in hooking up.  I was intrigued but had to say no.  I think that is crossing my boundaries.  

I am trying to direct my energy towards work and earning money.  This way i can pay off my debts and look to buying a car.  I have no energy lately.  I will try and write more tomorrow.  I am tired and must get some sleep.

Until next time.

And they Repossessed my Jeep

Well time to journal again. I am miserable. My jeep was repossessed on Friday. I still don't have a drivers license. Bills are piling up and there doesn't seem to be enough income to pay what is coming in. I am getting very depressed. I am trying to move forward but keep failing. I was in great mood. Maybe this is some sort of punishment for the divorce. I am so tired. I have seen enough and experienced more than i think i can handle. I think it may be time to check out.

I just don't have the will to continue anymore. I guess it falls back on the idea that if you tell someone that they are worthless long enough, they will believe you. I am starting to believe that I am worthless and that I don't deserve anything.. I am sad and confused and wish i would be taken away. I am not sure what my purpose is on this planet. I am 30 years old and have to start again from shit. I really want to head out. I don't feel i can fight anymore. I am tired...so so …