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Motherfuckin Broke Again

Woke up at 4:30...why? Alarm went off and I can't sleep. I have lots of stress in my life. I have applied with several different companies and I hope to hear something from somebody soon. I need to generate cash in my life. I have 5 bucks to my name.

I have also decided to eliminate women in my life. they seem to be too much of a distraction. I feel like I am putting too much effort and energy into them and not me. I had to tell Dana that I like her alot, but I don't think i can continue to see her anymore.

I also told Cora that she is amazing and fun and interesting, but I cannot hook up with her because I might get too emotionally attached. I think she understood. Melissa understood completely because our relationships is purely physical...we hang out when time permits. She totally understood exactly where i am coming from.
She wants to be friends.

Lisa will be a different story. I feel bad because I think she is buying or bought a ticket out to see me. I think i have to take care of me before i can take care of or offer myself to someone else. I need to become #1 in my own life and I don't see that.

I quit TGWW today. I was pissed about the way things went down. I can't believe how they ridiculed me for just being me.  Since when am I not able to be myself in this life?  I sent back my shirts and cancelled the last two programs I worked with them (scheduled) in October. I will have to see what pans out. Again, right now I want to focus on me. I love me and need to be the best possible me right now.

Until next time


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Feels like a throat punch to my heart

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I got a text message from a close colleague I used to work with at a previous job.

Beck: "whats shakin CB"
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Screw back up plans

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When you have a back up plan you have an "oh shit that didn't work and I have to do something about it". Its like whatever it is going on in your life is going to fail or stop being at some point. Newsflash: You are correct!  NOTHING lasts forever. Your job, your marriage, your income stream, your family and most certainly not your startup or your job.  For those of you wishing to go back to the old days, its not going to happen.  The age of chivalry is dying and the startup that you create will be dead within 10-15 years.  We don't live in our parents or grandparents economy. Hell the way we communicate is changing. See example below and try and decipher what I am saying to you


Did you figure it out yet.  If so, please pat yourself …

Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones.

I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this move …