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Showing posts from November, 2002

Almost Thanksgiving

Soon to be turkeyday. I made it past Saturday....Yahoo!!!! Fatima and I are wierd right now, however, I think it could be her school. Not 100 percent sure. I don't like forecasting saying things will be better/worse. We have no clue how everyday will turn out so it is in our best interest to just wait. I don't want to predict how 10 minutes from now will be, cause I have no idea.

Fatima missed lunch today but that was related to school. We seem very distant now, like we are growing apart. I love her dearly, but realize that she is not my security blanket. We are best friends, however, I get scared thinking about what life would be like without her. I don't like that feeling. I remember how positive i felt being single and now that security, that positive vibe seems to be missing. I have my doubts about how long she will be strong while I look for a job. I can't predict, I can feel its toll being taken. It may be just a few more months until she gets sick o…

My Mind is Tearing Me Apart

Where do I start? Who gives a fuck. I don't anymore. I truly believe this will be the last time I write in my journal. No more bullshit...this is the real deal.

Fatima is unhappy again. This is exactly where i was 2 years ago. What a familiar ghost. I am beyond help. My mind and the depression has won. I don't know who i am anymore. I tried to be a good person but I don't guess it worked.

I tried to fill my emptiness with a person again. I am thinking about the Jimmy eat world song that just came on, "The Middle" again, I actually believed that shit for a while.
"everything, everything will be just fine"....fucking BULLSHIT. I have failed Fatima and she is leaving me. I don't want to wait around and hurt anyone else. She is a beautiful girl and I wish her the best. She made life good...best of luck to you Fatima

Suicide my friend, is back for good. This time no reqrets, sorry mom, sorry Christina, sorry family, sorry friends. I am done…