The Mundane and the Usual

Have you ever had a day suck really bad?  This was one of those days.  I was ten minutes late getting to work because of traffic.  I wasn't able to punch down past 6 inches on many of the soil vapor holes.  I met a cool guy today.  He was Persian.  I told him about Fatima and he said to hold on to her that middle eastern women are exotic and a rare breed.

I also got the news back from the FBI and I didn't pass the first battery of the tests.  It sucks to fail, but I think it is just a reminder that maybe that is not the direction I am supposed to be working towards.  I am just bummed because I haven't had any big successes in the career department.  I just seem to float from job to job.  I wish I was more driven as a child so that I could have gotten better grades, I would have excelled and therefore gotten into better schools and therefore found a better career.

The FBI would have been a great way to start the career path.  I could start thinking about buying a house and possibly a family.  Now it is back to the drawing board.  I have to reconsider my life and in all truth the "Chad" and "Fatima" connection.  It is just a thought.  I know I cant do what I am doing for long.  My wrist is already hurting me do to overuse.  I was getting excited about the career possibility with the FBI.  It would have been a great challenge.  I am looking at the Sheriffs outside and thinking, "there is an option" , but that won't work because of the stress and burnout factor.

I wonder what my dad would say in all of this?  I am overwhelmed by everything right now.  Can't make ends meet, Bills are over my head and I owe everyone in the world money

No more wasting time...

No more stress eating and drinking…

No more lying to myself...

No more many things...

I am tired and want to sleep.  Today has been crappy.  The next few days will be about the same.  I need something to keep me going.  I am tired of waiting for that day.  I hope that someday I find my calling or a job that I can do until I die.  I enjoy where I work, but have my doubts that it will be long term.  Friday, i am in the shop again.  I hate that because it means 8 hours of bullshit work.  I hate filling in the blanks that way.  Coming back to now...

I am sad about the FBI.  Wanted so bad to get in.  Would have had great opportunities.I am going to bed.  I am leaving here and heading for the homestead.  Maybe tomorrow will be kind and bring me better news than that of today.  Remember that a journey is made up of each day.  Failure is an option...

Until next time...

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