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Heavy Shit, she cheated

Today was interesting to say the least.  I decided, at some point and time, that I miss journaling. I realize that writing in this journal is the only place that makes me feel good and it is the only place I can speak to someone that wont judge me.  It is like my own little therapist.  I can say what I feel and not worry about judgement being passed.  I know that tough times are part of life, hell you wouldn't appreciate the good times with out the tough ones.  I have been scared because of my money situation.  I am super short on funds.  Money is so tight that I had to spend the last 20 in my account to buy cat food, cookies, milk, coffee, bread and margarine.  Needless to say, I was a little scared because I have to go to LA this week and am not sure of the money outcome or how much I will need.  I freaked out and thought, "God what if I let the meeting manager down,"

I have felt down for a few days but tried not to show it to family and friends.  Its really not worth it.  I don't want people saying"there goes chad again, not doing what he is supposed to be doing" .  It is tough when you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try once again.

On a strange note, Lauren told me that she slept with her ex boyfriend and had a random sexual encounter with some guy while she was in Florida.  I am done with her.  We had fun while it lasted but she has no clue what she wants and is still young.  She is 23 for goodness sakes.  She got married at 18 and of course she is going to experiment and have fun.  Its a form of validation that we all do so good for her.

I am now on the path.  I have found the start and will continue to move in that direction. Stay focused with your eye on the horizon and much reward will come your way.

Until next time.


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