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Heavy Shit, she cheated

Today was interesting to say the least.  I decided, at some point and time, that I miss journaling. I realize that writing in this journal is the only place that makes me feel good and it is the only place I can speak to someone that wont judge me.  It is like my own little therapist.  I can say what I feel and not worry about judgement being passed.  I know that tough times are part of life, hell you wouldn't appreciate the good times with out the tough ones.  I have been scared because of my money situation.  I am super short on funds.  Money is so tight that I had to spend the last 20 in my account to buy cat food, cookies, milk, coffee, bread and margarine.  Needless to say, I was a little scared because I have to go to LA this week and am not sure of the money outcome or how much I will need.  I freaked out and thought, "God what if I let the meeting manager down,"

I have felt down for a few days but tried not to show it to family and friends.  Its really not worth it.  I don't want people saying"there goes chad again, not doing what he is supposed to be doing" .  It is tough when you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try once again.

On a strange note, Lauren told me that she slept with her ex boyfriend and had a random sexual encounter with some guy while she was in Florida.  I am done with her.  We had fun while it lasted but she has no clue what she wants and is still young.  She is 23 for goodness sakes.  She got married at 18 and of course she is going to experiment and have fun.  Its a form of validation that we all do so good for her.

I am now on the path.  I have found the start and will continue to move in that direction. Stay focused with your eye on the horizon and much reward will come your way.

Until next time.


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Feels like a throat punch to my heart

So, I thought today was going to be just another Sunday of lounging around and netflixing.  I don't think I have ever been so wrong in my life.  To start with, Facebook reminded me of my memories.  I happened to click on a friends link and decided to follow another link to my very first girlfriends sisters page.  Its random how I got there, but I blame facebook.

To my shock, I saw that her sister had passed on the 22nd of November.  I was shocked because I knew that she wasn't that old.  I reached out to an old mutual acquaintance and found out it was pretty sudden and unexpected.  That had me in some kinda mood.  Because of that, I began to text and email friends and check in and make sure then were okay.

I got a text message from a close colleague I used to work with at a previous job.

Beck: "whats shakin CB"
Me: "Not much just wanted to say hello.  Had a wake up call today.  Found out first girlfriends sister just passed away.  So sad...she was young"

Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones.

I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this move …

Movie Review: The Family Fang- 4.5 out of 5 stars

Narrator:  Imagine your dead. Feel yourself go numb. Start with your fingers, move to your hands, your wrists, right on up to your elbows. Everything is dead. If we can imagine our own death, but still manage to come back to life, then it proves we can survive, anything.

Baxter Fang: Don't be afraid. Own the moment. If you're in control then the chaos will happen around you and not to you.

This was one of the best and possibly overlooked movies of 2015 (which is why I am just now reviewing it in 2016) in my humbled opinion.  Jason Bateman is not only an incredible actor, but an extremely talented director.  I was never a fan of arrested development (probably because I never watched it).  However, after seeing Bad Words and now The Family Fang, I have a whole new respect for Jason Bateman

The story line:Annie and Baxter, the adult children of the controversial husband and wife conceptual performance art couple famous for their quirky macabre public performances, have never got ove…