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"You killed the part of me that cares"

So i have this shirt that i bought at Nordstrom from the RVCA network. It has the above mentioned wording and a picture of a dove, that looks like it is flying upside down. I wear the shirt every so often, and i get some interesting comments on it. Most people laugh when they read it.

I tried to figure out what it means to me. I am a decent person and try to be great to my fellow human being. In thinking about this shirt and its relevance to me and realize that after my break up 2 years ago to my ex-fiance, the shirt talks directly about my ability to have emotions. Either she or the relationship caused me to not care anymore, not about people, but to really get involved in relationships. I have a hard time getting emotionally involved with anyone.

Part of it is because, I don't feel i have the ability to let go like that anymore. When you give so much of yourself to someone, you lose faith in yourself. When you lose faith in yourself, you have lost the game. My problem is I don't want anyone to have that kind of control over my life anymore. The bliss is great and the connection is amazing, when you find that one where the chemistry is fantastic, but the long term devastation can be brutal.

People say all the time that i don't know what i am missing. They are right, I don't know what i am missing. I am not sure that is the end of the world. Its almost like if you never had chocolate and your friends knew how good it was, how do you know what your missing. Being in love with yourself is great and being in love is good too, but sometimes it can be too much to handle emotionally when you think you have found "the one"

So when somebody says, what does your shirt mean. To me, honestly, maybe I have lost the part that cares, not about people in general, but about that one word everyone seeks so desperately and that is "love"

Until next time....


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