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totally disconnected

So the last few days, my head has been in a fog. I have this insane feeling to give up all of my luxuries, try and sell my car and move someplace without technology. I feel so disconnected from everything, the universe, my friends, a semblance of a life. I know we all feel this at some point and time, we are human.

I know that part of me is thinking too much. I keep focusing on the future and that is absolutely insane. The thinking mind will kill you according to Ekhart Tolle. I guess i am just frustrated by the fact that I wanted to pay my car off this year, and now with a $7500 tax lien, that wont be happening anytime soon. I am also frustrated that my minimum payment, $100.00 (which is all i can afford) doesn't even cover the interest per month. That coupled with another dismal year of travel for Event industry is leaving me slightly disillusioned.

I got an email from a friend yesterday about responsibility. Here is what it said

via Bob Proctor
Responsibility opens the door and permits you to walk into freedom. If you find yourself confined to such a mental state, understand there is a way out. Escape is encouraged and possible. The master key that fits the lock is clearly marked and is within everyone’s reach. It is responsibility.
I think it would be a fair comment to say that the people we have the greatest respect for are those who have accepted responsibility for every aspect of their lives. These individuals rarely duck responsibility by blaming someone else. When faced with an unfavorable situation, they are usually aware they have attracted the negative circumstance and know everything happens for a reason. When this happens, they merely learn their lesson and keep reaching out, above and beyond to the new frontier, taking responsibility for whatever happens, every step of the way.
When a person refuses to accept responsibility for their life, they reject their uniqueness and they turn all of their special powers over to other people, situations or circumstances. They are then no longer in control of their future. They will be hoping something good will happen, but because of past experiences they will very likely be expecting something they do not want to happen. When you accept responsibility for your life and for the results which you alone determine, you will develop confidence that your dreams can be realized, that your plans can be carried out. Awareness of this magnificent truth is one of the greatest, if not THE greatest thing that can happen in your life. It’s Alladin’s lamp, a magic wand, the tooth fairy all wrapped up in one.
Responsibility 1 of 3
Dr. Rollo May, a distinguished psychiatrist, once wrote, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” It requires great courage to take responsibility for your life. It’s so much easier to blame someone else or something outside of you. George Bernard Shaw said, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, they make them.” I believe Shaw was right. In my opinion, those who win big in life take responsibility and create their own destiny.
Earlier on it was suggested that responsibility brings with it a certain amount of freedom. For some, these last few paragraphs may be life-altering. And, with the proper understanding, I guarantee it has the power to free you of unnecessary mental weight that you may have been carrying around with you all of your life. The concept to which I’m referring has been misunderstood by so many and has probably single-handedly ruined more lives than one can possibly imagine. Ignorance of this principle will most certainly cause a person to experience the destructive emotions of anger, guilt and resentment.
Here it is: there is a vast difference between being responsible “for” and being responsible “to.” It seems so simple, but I don’t want you to let its apparent simplicity fool you. I’m going to repeat it again. There is a big difference between being responsible “for” and being responsible “to.”
It’s not uncommon to hear parents blame themselves and assume responsibility for something that has happened to their child, and that child might be 40 years old! “If only we ...” Or, “I should have ...” Far too often we inappropriately assume responsibility for something, when in fact our real duty to the person may have ended 20 years ago. Unfortunately for most, they carry that baggage around with them for life, never realizing they have a choice.
The correct interpretation of this is: you are responsible FOR your feelings and your results - not another person's. You may be responsible TO another person for one thing or another, but not FOR another person. The exception, of course, is when you choose to take on the responsibility of raising children until they reach the age of maturity. In that case, you are both responsible TO and FOR them, until such time as they become responsible for themselves.
At times, it might even be appealing to contemplate having another person take on our responsibilities for us. We could even trick ourselves into believing that by doing this, we would be more free to play, have fun and do the things we wanted. Without serious thought, it might never enter our mind that exactly the opposite would happen. When you permit others to take on your responsibilities, yo u become dependent on them. They become the giver and you become the receiver. Your well-being is dependent upon their generosity. Hopefully, at some point, it will become very clear that this kind of behaviour only leads to a life of lack, limitation, resentment and confusion on the parts of both the giver and the receiver.
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I’ve never witnessed anything positive that has come from the misuse of responsibility. When you take on the responsibility for another person's feelings, results, or actions, yo u destroy their self-reliance and self-respect.
You are responsible for all of the results in your life. You are responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your health. You are responsible for your wealth. You are responsible for your emotional state. Regardless of what has happened in the past, the future lies ahead with an open slate, waiting for you to take control and create a wonderful life for yourself.
Winston Churchill, who certainly knew something about responsibility, said, “Responsibility is the price of greatness.”


I am at a point where i feel that I don't want that great responsibility. I have a responsibility to myself to wake up everday and be optimistic and at times with such heavy weights on, it is hard to do that. I am very grateful for what i have, please don't misunderstand that. I just wish i could see how to get from point A to point B because the route I am on, isn't taking me there with any clarity.

Until next time..

Comments

  1. my dear Chad, your post really touched my heart. and it sounds like you're going through a real tough transition. so i want to share something with you that a friend of mine once told me about responsibility that i hope will be a blessing to you. she told me that one of the best ways to think about responsibility is like this: our only responsability is really our ability to respond to the Divine.

    for me, this means listening for those spiritual intuitions that shine, that bring light (and lightness) to your heart, that inspire you, that give you a feeling of hope, of expectancy.

    when you feel that expectancy, THAT is the time to pay attention, to be "faithful" to your hopefulness, to your confidence that the Divine is moving in you, and opening you up to see and "be" your real life purpose. sometimes that can happen in a sudden bright insight. sometimes it can happen in lots of little ways, little indications that you are moving into greater clarity about all you have to live and all you have to give.

    it sounds like where you are right now is like a deep valley. but the Divine always inspires us to climb higher than where our current circumstances claim we're stuck. and just like taking a hike up a mountainside, it's not always all that easy, but as you climb - as you breathe and let that *inspiration* move you - you'll start seeing a bigger brighter view and your life will expand in bigger brighter ways also.

    i've seen this happen in my own life. i've been in the deep valley myself more than once. but i am confident the Divine has wonderful blessings waiting for you because YOU yourself are a wonderful blessing - already! - to all those around you!

    so keep listening to your intuition. as they say, it's often darkest in the hour right before the dawn. i have a feeling you really are already at a point of immense spiritual growth.

    with friendly love, - mark

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