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Showing posts from December, 2012

Midnight mass and me

So I am not church goer, although, there is one church in San Francisco, Glide, that will always have my heart.  The spirit works in amazing ways in that church and if you haven't been, please go.  I digress as I always do. So last night, I was invited to midnight mass by a friend.  My head was telling me to say no or not even show up, but my heart said "go".

I listened to my heart as I always do.  The church was very beautiful and very packed.  The catholics take their mass seriously :-) .  The service was what I remember Catholic mass to be, ritualistic and sometimes mundane.   I stood up, I sat down, I sang, I stood up again, I kneeled and I finally prayed.    I didn't pray with my eyes closed but rather a short prayer of "Whats my work here?"  As you know sometimes the answer comes quickly and other times we have to wait.

My first observation/answer came quick.  It was basically that all the people there were gathering in a house of love and compassion.  …

Holidays, feelings and forget it

Okay so this blog is going to be short and sweet.  I was reading back on some of my blogs and wow, some of them are mini books

Holidays

Here's the 911, the skinny the deets.  I'm not a fan.  I have shared this several years back and want to revisit it.  To me the holidays are about spending it with the ones you love.  As I have gotten older I realize that family may be a missed idea on me.  I didn't procreate and therefore the family I have is aunts and uncles and aging grandparents.  I would love to spend a Christmas with my family, but that may not happen in my life.  Any takers on wanting a family.  My swimmers are healthy :-)

Feelings

I have realized that feelings suck sometimes and the only way to combat them is to get out there and do shit.  I do this in the form of doing for others.  I am a giver.  When i stop giving, i start to ask, "whats in it for me?"  WRONG.  When you do stuff for others, don't look for a return on your investment.  Just do it.  I hav…

The Book of Awakening

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There is a book that I was given by my friend called The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.  My first girlfriend in the 7th grade actually got if for me in 2009 when I was going through a rough patch. and when I was upside down in my thoughts.  The writing on the inside always provides inspiration.

To Chad,

My dear friend and my spiritual soul mate.  You have been the Yin to my Yang and kept me going when I couldn't take another step.  May this book guide you as you have guided me.  

With love and Respect,

Shannon 2009

So tonight I picked up the book and opened to todays chapter and todays title is: Healing Ourselves

"In this world, hate never yet dispelled hate.  Only love dispels hate, This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible~Buddha

One of the most difficult things about healing from being hurt by others is how to put wounds to rest when those who have hurt us will not give air to the wound, will not admit to their part in causing the pain.  I have struggled with this deeply.  Ti…

Numb

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First and foremost, this blog goes out to a good friend Val, who reads my blog religiously.  She texted me yesterday and said she was waiting for the next edition and here it is.

"So its 4:34 in the morning , the conversation got boring..."  (If you don't know, its a song by lily allen, here is the video and I know I am random and can't focus.  its not the tpain version!)

and I decided to revisit an old friend, "Numb".  This movie resonates so loudly with me.  I am going to say that this is not a dark blog, just an observation.  I can't sleep and when i can't sleep I write.  Its my creative genius coming out.  Some people shop, some people drive, some people do what they do and for me I just write.  I am driven by the heart and this can be a problem because the heart wants what the heart wants.  There is no perfect out there, there are degrees of acceptable.  If everything were perfect, we would all be walking around on cloud nine and that shit isn…

Gratitude

Giving thanks is so imperative to who we are as humans.  Love is one of the best ways to be able to give gratitude.  Dr Sue Johnson, in her book, "Hold me tight" states:
We know know that love is, in actuality, the pinnacle of evolution, the most compelling survival mechanism of the human species.  Not because it induces us to mate and reproduce.  We do manage to mate without love! But because love drives us to bond emotionally  with a precious few others who offer us safe haven from the storms of life.  Love is our bulwark, designed to proved emotional protection so we can cope with the ups and downs of experience.
This drive to emotionally attach, to find someone who we can turn and say, "Hold me tight", is wired into our genes and our bodies.  Its as basic to life, health and happiness as the drivers for food, shelter or sex.  We need emotional attachments with few irreplaceable others to be physically and mentally healthy---to survive" 
If you know this love,…