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5 out of 5 stars

First and foremost, this blog goes out to a good friend Val, who reads my blog religiously.  She texted me yesterday and said she was waiting for the next edition and here it is.

"So its 4:34 in the morning , the conversation got boring..."  (If you don't know, its a song by lily allen, here is the video and I know I am random and can't focus.  its not the tpain version!)

and I decided to revisit an old friend, "Numb".  This movie resonates so loudly with me.  I am going to say that this is not a dark blog, just an observation.  I can't sleep and when i can't sleep I write.  Its my creative genius coming out.  Some people shop, some people drive, some people do what they do and for me I just write.  I am driven by the heart and this can be a problem because the heart wants what the heart wants.  There is no perfect out there, there are degrees of acceptable.  If everything were perfect, we would all be walking around on cloud nine and that shit isn't happening, but I digress

So back to "Numb".  This is a fantastic movie directed by none other than Harris Goldberg.  If you don't know him, I don't blame you.  I didn't know who the hell he was until I looked him up.  His most recent accomplishments include deuce bigalow, Road Trip and the ahh so infamous, "Old School".

Whats the movie about?  Well in a nutshell it is about a successful screenwriter , Hudson Milbank, played by Matthew Perry, in LA who smokes a little to much weed one night and believes that because of it, he now finds himself without any emotional feelings.  (Known as detachment syndrome, which is much like he is looking at what is happening to his life without feeling anything or being able to control what he is actually doing in this life...sounds familiar)  He goes to Dr after Dr and tries pills and more pills but to no avail.  He watches the Golf Channel, attends lesbian exercise classes and a myriad of pills but nothing seems to be helping his condition.  His writing partner, played by Kevin Pollack (one of my all time favorite actors) tries everything to get him back on track with no luck either.  It isn't until he meets Sara played by Lynn Collins, that he actually begins to feel again and fall in love. The question becomes can Sara deal with the many issues that plague Hudson's life especially after Hudson concludes that his life may never be normal.

I think this film resonates so loudly with me because of the feelings of depersonalization that he experiences.  He realizes that love actually brings him to a state of consciousness that is remotely tolerable and regardless of it all, we all have issues.  This movie is the anti hollywood love story in that we don't know about this guy.   He is in no way perfect and admits his shortcomings.  He is honest in the fact that love helps him to see a clearer picture and that in the end it may not be okay and he may not ever get better.

I find this to be true in life.  We don't ever find the "perfect" mate.  Or a wonder drug that cures us of all our ills.  We find love and that love to us is real.  It grounds us and makes us more connected.  It makes us see things for what could be and gives us hope in the day ahead.  Its not about some fantasy that there is a "flawless" guy or girl out there for us.  It is that they accept us for who we are, good bad or indifferent.  They don't want to change us, but rather revel in what we bring to the table.  They are willing to talk about all things without fear of consequences and reactions.  They are able to bring it and set it down and say "I can deal with all this shit so lets move on"

We all walk around "depersonalized" to some degree.  We zone out of family conversations because we are thinking of the mortgage payment or the new assignment at work, or the sale at the mall or quite possibly even food for the domesticated animals that are running around the house.  We look at our own lives and wonder if it is truly our own and how did we get here.  I think the message in this movie, however, is clear and that is find your grounding rod and hold on to it with hopes that they truly are the grounding rod.  That they will be there when you experience some of your darker moments and say, "hey its okay, this too shall"

Find your grounding rod

Until next time...


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