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Showing posts from June, 2013

staring at a blank canvas

My mind is just as blank. Numb. Empty. Disenfranchised and discouraged

I used to be so motivated. What happened? Where did I miss the turn?
Was i supposed to go left instead of right? Maybe I should have stayed
straight?

I feel like a gigantic disconnected energy source. No affirmation. No love. alone and grasping. Its like if you were working on the space shuttle and your safety cord got disconnected. Floating aimlessly in space. I watch others emblazoned by their purpose and I feel like I am standing still. I try not to judge, but then i wonder, when is it my time? Do I get a turn? (reverting back to childhood)

I have recently lost friends and work because of my posts. Some people say I am too extreme, others think I have "lost my marbles". Maybe there is some necessity or truth in losing ones mind in order to gain your life? I have way more questions than i have answers at this point in my life. I hope that love and trust have the answers. I hope that one day i can confi…

Silence is golden, or it will drive you batty!

I sit and watch the sunset. I begin to wonder who I am. Right now I am listening to "within" by Daft Punk. Its a moment that I can't escape, nor do I want to. I'm in a strange place, been here before but the significance of this one is stronger. The universe brought me here because it wants me to learn...to grow...to change. I have been doing things the same way for so long that change seems impossible.

Work is my biggest challenge and maybe I am not supposed to be doing what I have done for so long. People say do what you love and the money will follow. My problem is i love so many things that its hard to pigeonhole me into one thing. I know that I am going to have to do something to get cash flow. Living in the moment is great and it's a philosophy I have tried to live by for the latter part of my life, but in doing so, i have not saved anything for that rainy day.

I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be and all I can do at this point is have faith that …

discouraging

It is near impossible to find anything. I have applied to at least 500 jobs and had maybe 10 serious interviews and the problem with my resume: Diversity

I wasn't one of those people who decided that one thing would be good for me. I did/tried everything. I thought for sure it would help me down the road as I could adapt and jump into any field with a myriad of experience. I often say, I am a jack of all trades and master of many. Its a great slogan but it doesn't seem to be working. Why, you might ask? It seems like the companies out there are still under the impression that stability is better than diversity.

Im tempted to throw my hands in the air, walk away from it all and just wander the streets. It gets to frustrating to deal with. Who knew that being good at so many things would be a detriment. Man I am so glad I got my Masters degree, what a great investment.

Until next time

PS. Sorry that I am not as positive upbeat as normally, but I am highly discouraged. Have a g…

deja vu

We have all had it.  You walk into a restaurant and you feel like you have been there before.  You meet a potential date and feel as if you have been there before, or it could even be as simple as reading something you feel you have read before.  Uncanny coincidence or Universal Intelligence?

So I am reading a book by Daniel Rechnitzer called "The All Knowing Diary" and it has kept my interest through all 120 pages so far (about 35 more to go).  Im not going to lie in that the book covers lots of ground and to summarize teaches us how to use more than the average 10% of our brains that we are currently using.  Daniel talks about Ego vs. True Self and how common held beliefs are not reality.

I will admit that there are times when this book gets a bit deep even for me.  It makes sense but it is just deep and often times you may find yourself reading and re reading a particular line, section or even chapter.  Eventually it will sink in and you will begin to see the message.  You …

Do Over Days

There are days when you wake up and wish you could do over. They just don't
start on the note you wished they would. You look and hope for the good, but
for some reason it chooses to hide itself under the same haystack in which
you have been looking for a needle. Its not to say that good isn't there if you don't look, but its more like a game of hide and seek. You run around all day looking for it, and when you think you have found the elusive bugger, you realize it was your shadow.

I have been reading lots of books about self-help, improvement, power of now and spiritual revelations. The one thing I can say is try to keep your head on you and try not to beat yourself up too much for trying to hard. Its the one thing that keeps you from moving forward. The negative speak, the I can'ts, the I didn't, then I should have, it all doesn't matter. Brush yourself off, take a deep breath, go for a run/walk/ride and get the fuck out of your head. It is the worst place to be…