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Pen to paper...

So I have settled into my life in Oregon and haven't written in a while. Haven't felt inspired. I was grading papers tonight and decided to put on some tunes in Google play music.  A song came on as I was finishing up and about to pack up my gear.  I hadn't heard it for some time, probably since the episode of Californication.

The song is called "My California" by Beth Hart.  First note transported me to moonlight beach when I was a kid and used to play from sun up to sundown with my best friend Scott.  We would create imaginary dwellings, play in the water, boogie board and play in the sand until we had to be hosed off to get the sand off out of our hair and ears.  We looked like little toe head Scott and I.  It seemed to be a ritual with either his mom taking us, or my mom taking us, or all the parents dragging us to the beach with a cooler in hand (yes you could drink on the beach back in the day.

I remember the smell of the ocean and the sand in between my feet.  For those that haven't grown up in California, there isn't a word or a feeling that I can conjure, to describe my connection to California.  I guess it is a state of mind.  My best memories as a child were there.  I felt so free, so connected and so much less "adult" than I do now.  I could run around like an a kid who has had too much sugar and not feel guilty about it.  The hardest part of growing up on the beach was when Sunday nights would come and we would watch the sunset and then roast marshmallows. The dread of having to get up the next morning and face school was my monster.

When we moved to Mississippi, I remember how sad I was to be leaving such a beautiful place and all my friends.  I have no regrets, for had I not had that opportunity presented itself, I never would have met my cousins and gone down the road that I am currently on.  I just missed it, as I do now.  The sunsets, the sand, the laughter, and the friends, but hey, thats life.  We all grow up and shit changes, not good nor bad, just indifferent.

Music is my connection to my world.  It is my connection to know that I was here and I existed. My memories become the clearest when I am listening to music I connect with. It reminds me of my youth, my teen years and now my adult years.  I may not have a legacy of greatness, but I will have the memory that I existed.

Until next time...

PS. Kalia, since I know you are reading this, I love you.  You have my heart forever more. I know I am a pain in the ass, but I will love you "like the sun loves California"

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