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Utter shock and disbelief

Its 3:16 am pacific time and I can't sleep.  I tossed and turned all night.  I'm in a position of unease.  Stomach is turning, and I can't shake the fear of whats about to happen for the next 4 years.  I never believed polls, yet I wanted to.  I wanted to have a belief that the system would do the right thing, but I was wrong.

My father, rest his soul, told me a long time ago..."I wouldn't want to grow up in this day and age".  I thought he was just bullshitting me as he always did or feeding me some fearful story that he often did.  I remember him telling me that certain friends weren't really friends and that I wouldn't be friends with them.  I disagreed, he was right.  I remember him saying that there would be 3 major airlines left in the world. I disagreed, he was right.  I remember him saying that Bush would win in 2000. I disagreed, he was right.

We now sit at the most historical time in history, when racial tensions are so thick you could cut them with a butchers knife. The divide between the conservatives and the liberals opened the floodgates last night and for the first time in my history, I am disgusted at the display of democracy.  The democratic history that I have come to know, is at an end, meaning that the democrats lost tonight.  The platform that stands for racial and gender equality, programs to help the poor, and an overall sense of liberalism, crumbled under the weight of blue collar voters who think their voices haven't been heard.

We are now faced with a sexist, misogynistic, racist president for the next 4 years.  For all the good that has occurred in the world, my fathers words of unease just 16 years ago, now ring loudly and reverberate within my soul.  I trusted the polls, even though my gut told me not to.  I thought "for sure americans will do the right thing", because that is what we do, right? Wrong.  This presidency was as much a "fuck you" as it was a voice for change.  That the country as a whole is disillusioned by our leadership and that it needed to be turned upside down to see that.

I am at a complete loss for words. Fear, disbelief and complete distrust now surround me.  The future that I was fervently planning for has been halted.   I understand why it happened...but don't feel it resonates positively within me, I am truly at a sickening point of  unease.  First Brexit, now this.  How would I explain this to my children. How do I tell them that the country I believed in so heavily, has now betrayed everything I trusted.  I am afraid to have children now because I don't trust the man that has been entrusted to run our country for the next 4 years.  I fear he will call nuclear war, race riots and emblazon the ideal of corporate greed.

Military industrial complex spending, tax increases, a war is about to break out and terrorism is the culprit and the poor class will be obliterated with the incoming president.  Financial markets will crumble and he will try and wipe out our debt by crushing foreign markets.  Racial progress and climate change will now be eradicated because of what he stands for.  Faith is at an all time low for me, as I believe it is for much of the country.  Only time will tell whats in store.  As for the immediate 4 year future, I am not hopeful.

And as for my leaders telling me to support such cacophony, I have but one thing to say to you.  Fuck off.  I will not support the alt-right any longer. I will not support hatred, greed, bigotry, racism, sexism and the suppression of the human voice any longer, nor will i support this stupid fucking swelling of American pride that we are the best nation in the world.  We are not. We are a war mongering, non peaceful, ruled by money society, and I for one, will no longer sit by and accept this as status quo.

Until next time...


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