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1998-01-11-Test results

Well the weekend wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. I got my results back from the CSCS and I did not pass. What a fucking disappointment. To top it off, i bounced a check and had $20 debited from my account. It is forcing me to do some soul searching and ask myself, "Will it be this way for the rest of my life?" I love what i do, but living day to day, bill to bill is a shitty existence. It seems that I am not able to plan for the future like I want to.

I guess that life has its ups and downs and they all happen for a reason...to see how you deal with them. Not everything goes peachy all the time. All I can do is just learn from my experiences. I feel like such a disaster to my father who has invested so much money in me and I have given him nothing in return. I just don't want to written off as a bad debt in the family.

I guess time has a way of ironing out the wrinkles in our lives. Maryann has been very supportive and non-judgmental. She makes me strong. I am too critical about money. It is going to be a matter of time, but my goal is to be debt free. I am learning to get out of spend mode. I am now in save/payoff mode.

Until next time...

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