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Almost Thanksgiving

Soon to be turkeyday. I made it past Saturday....Yahoo!!!! Fatima and I are wierd right now, however, I think it could be her school. Not 100 percent sure. I don't like forecasting saying things will be better/worse. We have no clue how everyday will turn out so it is in our best interest to just wait. I don't want to predict how 10 minutes from now will be, cause I have no idea.

Fatima missed lunch today but that was related to school. We seem very distant now, like we are growing apart. I love her dearly, but realize that she is not my security blanket. We are best friends, however, I get scared thinking about what life would be like without her. I don't like that feeling. I remember how positive i felt being single and now that security, that positive vibe seems to be missing. I have my doubts about how long she will be strong while I look for a job. I can't predict, I can feel its toll being taken. It may be just a few more months until she gets sick of it. I just don't know if I trust that whole women want one man thing. I think it may be that they want security in that man too....I just don't know. I think a big part of it is preparing for the hurt if she does leave. That hurt sucks. Its kind of like if you put your hand over fire, you will get burned thing!

There are certain inherent risks I guess we all take. Love is just one of those risks. It can suck too because of the after affects- the loss of masculinity and feeling like less of a man. Having to have sex with yourself, dating...ugggggh...

If Fatima and I get to that point or she leaves because I don't find a job, I will choose to be single and date many women, not just one. Speaking of jobs or the lack thereof. What is the plan should I not find anything by the 1st of the year? Sell the truck, sell computer, borrow money from mom, and declare bankruptcy. I don't like looking that far into the future. Just live like today is the best, last day of your life. Work is somethign we do and unfortunately, it becomes who we are....

Until next time...


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Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones.

I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this move …