Things I have noticed leaving vegas as well as at McCarran Airport...

People are always anxious and nervous getting out of vegas.  They feel like lines are going to be 10 miles long and they will never get home.  Bulletin, there are about 1500 flights a day into vegas, i am sure you will get home.  

There are always good looking women in the airport, more specifically, on the flights to san diego, the problem is that they never sit next to me.  I think it is imperative to talk to everyone you seem fit to.  Don't be shy or bashful, strike up a conversation, you never know where it will lead.  Better than living in regret and not knowing where the conversation would have led to.

Billboard in vegas posted the Ten Commandments

1.  Have no other gods before me

my version, don't drink so much and you won't have to pray to the porcelain god.  if you are going to have a god, make sure, he or she is hot!  Don't want to be prayin to any false fake people who posted their high school pics on facebook 20 years ago.

2.  Do not have false idols.

My version is, have a bunch.  Especially the american idols.  They are awesome.  make sure to get at least 2-3 hours per week of this type of debauchery.  I myself don't watch it, but hey, if it works for you, knock yourself out

3.  Do not take the lords name in vain.  

My version is if you are in a swearing fit, just watch who the fuck you are using in front of the swear word... why not say Satan fucking hell or demonicus assholus...  However, if you aren't religious, well then i guess this one doesn't apply to you

4.  Keep the sabbath holy

Who in their right fucking mind does this?  hey heres an idea, just don't be glutinous 7 days a week.  keep it down to 1 or two at the most.  oh yeah, how bout enjoying the rest of the week while you are at it, not just friday and Saturday.  Sunday ends up being a holy day in vegas cause most people are praying they don't get sick on the plane, or dying from alcohol poisoning.

5.  Honor thy mother and father

my version, call your parents.  say hi every so often, let em know you are alive and thankful for them.  Tell them they are amazing at least 1ce a week, never know how long they will be around.  This week we lost tim Russert, an amazing journalist and all around great person.  You never know how long your going to be here.

6.  Do not murder

Duh, whats the point.  live in fear or live in love its your choice.  however if you are referring to murdering the opposite sex while in vegas, i highly recommend it.  As i often say, "I am going to kill that "P- - - y"  or if your a chick...kill that "c- - -"  So murdering is acceptable in vegas as long as you leave it in vegas

7.  Do not commit adultery

if you know me, i think adultery is committed because something is missing.  I don't agree with this one.  Sex is a natural part of our life, if you are married and not getting laid, i would call you one sandwich shy of a picnic basket.  what happens in vegas or anywhere for that matter should stay there, unless you are really attracted to the other person and plan on a relationship, then it can progress to a dressing room, shower, pool cabana, hood of a car ...etc

8.  Do not steal

Well this means don't gamble in vegas, cause either you are stealing from the house or the house is stealing from you.  enough said.

9.  Do not lie

When in vegas we all have our stories, "i am here on government business, I am attending a convention, i am a high stakes gambler and get comp's every where i go"  I like to use, i am a pool boy looking at how well all the facilities around town are maintained

10.  Do not Covet

Well coveting is okay in vegas.  Desire the naughty little girls/boys who are coming here to get away from reality.   Just don't become obsessed.  Just because you hooked up with a hot girl one night, doesn't mean she wants you again.  She probably wants to hook up with another stalion while here



Other observations:

We are way too wasteful.  Guy in front of me at lunch must have taken like 20 napkins.  whats the point of this, wiping your ass on the plane?  Have a serious drool problem, want to take care of business on the plane?????  I don't get it, there should be a 2 limit maximum on napkin giving.

why in the fuck does vegas have so many water urinals.  Last time i checked, you don't need to saturate pee with water to get it to flush.  Pee will do that itself.  We could solve a large majority of problems by just eliminating water urinals in vegas...at all casinos.  

Dont feed me bullshit lines here in vegas.  If you are attracted to me, then say so.  I don't feed you shit, i expect the same of you.  maybe we should come up with a "vegas lines" book and see how that works.


Okay I am done.  Stupid i know, i just thought i would wri
te down more rants since i thought of em.


PS.  The Palms has more "paid" talent than any other hotel i have ever seen.  For the 19th time "No i don't wanna have some fun with you, You can't afford me"

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