Skip to main content

Somedays are covered in gray....

I have this insane urge to jump off a bridge and sit at the bottom of the ocean and just watch as my life fades away. Sometimes we get hit with the "we really don't matter" in the grand scheme of things, today is no exception. I have been pulled to a place where i am all to familiar. I am trying to make the switch and come out but as i look around, i feel un-needed.

I give great advice to people and i am realizing that i need to take my own advice. I sit in the midst of an unknown situation, unknown living and unknown work. I tell everyone to hold steady on the work front and that work will appear, yet in my own life, i have no work til June. Some would say that could be a blessing or a curse. Currently with no definite living situation and no steady income, i would have to say, at this moment it sucks. I meander in to the unknown and my life is completely unknown.

We want to put our lives into a little box. We need to be able to classify what our life means in the grand scheme of things. We jockey for meaning in the infinite void. We make acquaintances that we hope would mean something, and in the end don't. We think we touch peoples lives, but we are soon forgotten because the truth is we are all striving for some end goal, some end prize. We say we would bring those that are close to us up, but reality is fear keeps us from completing the circle. It is much like the mouse and the cheese, we have to hold on to it as long as we can because we have to put things in a container that we know only we can open.

I ramble sometimes but that rambling is necessary to make sense of "us" in the grand scheme of things. Truth is nothing lasts forever and that sometimes the blessings in our life are solely temporary. People may come into your life for a reason, and without warning, that moment is gone, whether it is for a minute, a week a month or a year. We are but moments in the timeline of life. We try and make our mark and in the end, it may or may not make a difference.

I imagine a world where everyone becomes selfless for a moment and as a collective we build each other up. In reality all i see is the mouse with cheese or the squirrel with a nut. Forgive me for my venting, its just that I don't feel like i belong here anymore. I look around at the sad faces, the concerned people that feel like they don't fit in, the hopeless and feel like we are all just disconnected.

Somedays are just covered in gray...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Feels like a throat punch to my heart

So, I thought today was going to be just another Sunday of lounging around and netflixing.  I don't think I have ever been so wrong in my life.  To start with, Facebook reminded me of my memories.  I happened to click on a friends link and decided to follow another link to my very first girlfriends sisters page.  Its random how I got there, but I blame facebook.

To my shock, I saw that her sister had passed on the 22nd of November.  I was shocked because I knew that she wasn't that old.  I reached out to an old mutual acquaintance and found out it was pretty sudden and unexpected.  That had me in some kinda mood.  Because of that, I began to text and email friends and check in and make sure then were okay.

I got a text message from a close colleague I used to work with at a previous job.

Beck: "whats shakin CB"
Me: "Not much just wanted to say hello.  Had a wake up call today.  Found out first girlfriends sister just passed away.  So sad...she was young"
B…

Screw back up plans

Yes I said it.  Yes I have had quite a few unsuccessful ventures and I have recently started reading blogs that suggest backup plans.  I don't agree and I will tell you why.

When you have a back up plan you have an "oh shit that didn't work and I have to do something about it". Its like whatever it is going on in your life is going to fail or stop being at some point. Newsflash: You are correct!  NOTHING lasts forever. Your job, your marriage, your income stream, your family and most certainly not your startup or your job.  For those of you wishing to go back to the old days, its not going to happen.  The age of chivalry is dying and the startup that you create will be dead within 10-15 years.  We don't live in our parents or grandparents economy. Hell the way we communicate is changing. See example below and try and decipher what I am saying to you

☝☺✊✋✌❤👀👂👃👄👬👭👮👪👫👶💋💖💔💞😀😑😚😥🙆🙅🙈🙉🙊😞😞😞

Did you figure it out yet.  If so, please pat yourself …

Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones.

I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this move …