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finding the meaning

We wake in the morning hoping for some semblance of meaning in our lives.  The day begins as any other and much like days before.  Since this day is so like others, we assume that there can be no other frame of reference and that the monotony of our life will continue each day as we seek out some form of recognition in this world.  We seek in this life someone to comfort us and tell us its all going to be okay.

We come back to familiar places and things in hopes of finding that happy place once again.  The ones we knew as children when fairy tales were as true as the person that told them to you.  The images blur as we grow older and the lines are not as distinguished as we once knew.  We hold on to the memory of a lost love in hopes that that memory will comfort us until that next one comes along.  We lose the things that matter and keep the things that destruct our mental fiber.

Wake up zealous again with a new song in your heart.  Wipe the sleep from your eyes and embrace the most gentle of delicate days that lays before you.  What is your passion and what new gifts will the universe bring to you on this day?  Will you tuck that gift under your pillow or disregard it as you have done in the past so many times before?  With your body and mind, its good to see this new day once more, for i know not where or what this gift I have been given will give to me.  I see the trees differently on this day and hear the birds sing a new song and the sun is shining just a bit brighter on this day.

Your life is what you make it.  Your demons are the ones you have chosen to hold on to and keep you from those childhood memories.  Keep your faith  in whatever it is you believe in.  Love the beauty of who you are and keep giving a damn about the things that matter.  Make sure that the life you leave behind, leaves a mark on those who come behind you.  Inspire all those around you and most of all be happy because you are beautiful.

Until next time...


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Feels like a throat punch to my heart

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To my shock, I saw that her sister had passed on the 22nd of November.  I was shocked because I knew that she wasn't that old.  I reached out to an old mutual acquaintance and found out it was pretty sudden and unexpected.  That had me in some kinda mood.  Because of that, I began to text and email friends and check in and make sure then were okay.

I got a text message from a close colleague I used to work with at a previous job.

Beck: "whats shakin CB"
Me: "Not much just wanted to say hello.  Had a wake up call today.  Found out first girlfriends sister just passed away.  So sad...she was young"

Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

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Baxter Fang: Don't be afraid. Own the moment. If you're in control then the chaos will happen around you and not to you.

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The story line:Annie and Baxter, the adult children of the controversial husband and wife conceptual performance art couple famous for their quirky macabre public performances, have never got ove…