Showing posts from 2013

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My Innerview with Scott Engler about my most recent position

Part 2:

Back from Oz and starting over

Hello all.  Sorry I haven't been forthright in posting lately.  As many of you know, I decided to come back from Australia.  I ran out of money and job prospects and since my visa was going to expire in December, I decided to change my ticket and come back early.  Actually I would have stayed until my exit date of December 2nd, but there were no flights back onVirgin Australia that met my ticket requirements.  The trick was I had to be on the non stop from Brisbane to LAX and it only ran on certain days, otherwise my ticket back would have cost around 1600-2300 dollars.  After researching flights from the 15th of december backwards, it turns out the only days I could come back, on a $150 change fee, were November 11th and November 13th.

So I am back in LA and looking for work.  Any work. I tend to think I am not looking hard enough or in the right area.  I wonder how long I can hold out without being employed or "a freeloader" as an ex girlfriend put it.  I guess the onl…


This has been heavy on my heart for a month and I woke up with the feeling that "this needs to be written today", so here I am. Many of you have been keeping up with my blog and realize that I have been on an amazing, unsettling, life changing journey.  It started when I sold everything I own to come to a place where I didn't know anyone (well 1 person) and not have any work (really) lined up, in order to take a class (Yoga right??? me doing yoga wth) that would forever change my path with one simple word that was introduced to me on a sunday morning by the lovely Randy Simpson (btw i get to see this beautiful gem today and i am so damn excited) and that word was "Mindfulness"

What does it mean to you?  What images are evoked when you hear the word?  What do you feel inside when you hear the word?  For me it is a constant state of being.  Its my awareness of everything I do, everything I see and everything I am.  To me its a way of coming back to self and being …

Finding the within

My whole life seems to be a journey about finding myself.  We have all heard the stories about losing oneself to find oneself, going off to foreign countries to discover our true self, we begin a path of spiritual pursuit.  My journey is much like that.  I happened to find myself on a cool august day in a class with Hamid in Bali as the light breeze was flowing through the shala. He said, you can go all over the world to find yourself and the truth is that the answer lies within.

We spend our whole lives on a fruitless pursuit of trying to figure "this thing out".  We try to minimize our existence to just ourselves, but the truth is, its much greater than that. The inner journey begins with recognizing, as cliche as it may sound, that "wherever you go, there you are".  You can go to bali, you can go to india, israel, New Zealand, spain and any other place you can think of and the truth is, we all need to go within.

The more we look outside ourselves for things, th…

Tasmania-more like its-craz-iar

This has been a very interesting journey. The first few nights I was here, I thought I was going to go insane. I realize now that it took less than a week to do just that.

Let's just say you hear your own thoughts here. You go to bed early and you wake up early and try and sleep late. I read, have "cuppas" and drink lots. The weather is as unpredictable as a miley cyrus video. One minute it's sunny and the next its pissing rain sideways and upside down.

Where I am staying was built as a retreat and holds anywhere from 20-40 comfortably. There is a yoga shala attached to where I am staying so it is nice. I can wake up and clear my thoughts and prep my day. I have been asked to go surfing about 1000 times,
however without a "wettie" well let's just say its fuckin nuts to even think about it. Even the constant barrage of surfers coming through say "$hit its cold out there". So I say no thanks. I pop open a beer and laugh at the die hards.


Back to OZ-2 weeks in tassie

So Bali has changed me, actually made me more self actualized. I feel lighter and less OF the world and more IN the world. The balinese are so beautiful, thankful and grounded. They truly are connected to the earth and it is so refreshing. It seems that we are so distant from our roots on this planet. Instead of loving her, we just use up all her resources.

I am more unsure of life now than I ever have been before. Everyone says that I am exactly where I need to be. I will take the universes word for it.  I know less now than I have ever known and I have to be okay with that. I guess I will work on my yoga practice. Its all I have at the moment. Be love, give love and show love.

I was back in the gold coast for two nights and now here in Tassie. The flight in was nice. I actually got to go to the virgin lounge in Melbourne. I had a very nice breakfast and coffee and then proceeded to grab several beers with my partner in crime , Hannes.

We drank until our plane was called. If you wer…

Bali the Beautiful-Week 3

Self discovery and awareness abound this week.  This has been a week of introspective looks and acceptance.  I have realized that I am directionless.  I don't know where I want to go, what I want to do or if I have a passion, however the briliance in those statements is, its okay.  I don't always have to have the answer or to know.

Much like the emotions I have held on to for so long in regards to how I feel.  I am a good person, I am a bad person, I am happy, I am sad.  I am learning to understand that these emotions dont define me.  I resonate good, I resonate bad, Im feeling the sadness, I am feeling depressed, i sense the anger, however, these feelings do not make up who I am.  Concious awareness is the key to all emotion.  The first step in recognizing there is a problem is to admit that there is a problem.  I have attached who I am to how I am feeling then I spiral out of control in that feeling.  EG.  I am depressed.  I feel bad and unloved and that I am unworthy of anyt…

Bali the Beautiful - Part 2/Week 2

Words cannot describe how and what I am experiencing here. The beautiful souls I have met here are amazing.  I love learning about each person and having the opportunity to find out what drives them and why they decided to do the Yoga Teacher Training.  Some of us will move on to become yoga teachers and others will move forward to become teachers of life while others will have their passions fueled and move on to experience their greatness.

The Yoga per se is an art in patience for me as I am not used to silencing the mind and being present in stretching.  For those of you that are cyclists and dont stretch after each ride, you may understand.  For those of that stretch and do yoga, well then you probably can't relate.  I have learned much so far (1st week) from this class and I would HIGHLY reccommend if you are at a standstill point in your life and need to "figure it out" you need to think about coming to bali and experiencing this class.  It will give you a groundin…

Bali the beautiful

I cannot put into words how I feel about Bali. Its beautiful serene and humbling. I stepped off the plane and wasn't sure what to expect. It is hot and humid but the people are so friendly  that it makes you forget the weather.

The line to get your visa was stupendous. I would say a solid 30-40 minute wait.  After you pay the $25 fee then you must clear customs. That was easily an hour to 2 hours. Luckily I had the company of Isabel, a cute 22 year old from Germany living in Australia, who decided on a whim to cone to Bali. She was short on visa fees so I gave her 10AUD to get in. We talked for a long while and I will forever remember her smile. She has Ben traveling the world for some time. She was extremely friendly and from what I saw on the plane, an amazing artist.

I was picked up by my driver, who was arranged by Gede, my host in Bali. He owns he was so nice on arrival and gave me WiFi password , a map and showed me to my room. I am actually st…

So its hard to believe

I have only been here a little over a week and it feels like a year already.   The weather has been exemplary. I have really enjoyed my time here. I take it moment by moment without any sure plan of what will happen next. I have always believed that change is the only constant. This move has forced me to be more in the moment.

I love the family I am staying with. You really see how the family dynamic works and how crazy it can be being a parent. Hats off to my friend for running a family and a full time business.

I realized the other day that for the first time since getting my degree in Global Management, that I am truly using it. I am helping my friend revamp her website, re organizing documents and student manuals and helping her get sync'd and dialed in with technology so she can work smarter not harder. The good new is all her computers are Macs so its an easy transition for me.

I have been getting up every morning at 6am to go for my runs on the beach. The weather is very…

In a land down under

So I arrived safely in Australia the other day. I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to sleep on the plane. Last journey here, I got sick the entire way. I was glad I was rested and the 13.5 hour flight was fantastic.

Upon arriving and clearing customs, I grabbed my bag and headed out. I had a quick chat with Nina, a very nice girl who texted me on the plane. (Yes virgin Australia is awesome). Turns out she is a graphic artist who came here from the UK. She is also a roller derby girl. She has a great personality and a great smile. She gave me her number and pointed me off in the right direction.

I went to the station agent who was very friendly and booked me a ticket to Robina. I grabbed my ticket and my bags and headed to the train. Its perfectly located on the third level of Brisbane international and easily accessible via a sky bridge.

The train ride to Robina was about 1.5 hours. The train offers WiFi, however I couldnt connect. The scenery was much better company.

Upon a…

Change should always be viewed as a good thing

So this year as many of you know, has been a very devastating one.  I went from being on top of my game and heading down a path that I thought (key word: thought) I was supposed to go, to being financially ruined and spiraling out of control.  All of this happened in the matter of a few months. It is my humble belief that because of sharing certain events of my life last November, I committed career suicide.  I guess my naivety with social media was looking at the good it does, while everyone else seems to focus on the negative.  I became an outcast in my industry. I may have lost the battle but I didn't lose the lesson.  My advice to those using social media is two-fold 1. Post the good, the great, the awe inspiring and leave the troubles, real troubles with your true friends and family via a phone call.   2. Know who your friends truly are.  No one gives a care that you are having a bad day.  Millions of other people out there are going through the same and possibly worse, howev…

Doubt essential to faith

I have been struggling with many things, as many of you know.  I doubt faith, I doubt humanity, I doubt love, I doubt my existence.  I am a doubter.  Its what I do, its who I am and its built into the core of my existence. I never seem to accept anything without a mystified mind.

This morning when i checked my email, I realized there was an email in my flagged messages.  I looked at the title "the doubt essential to faith".  I bellied up to my desk and with coffee in hand, I decided to check out this amazing video.  It confounded me and took my breath away.  Maybe it won't have the same effect on you.  Maybe you are not at the same place mentally or spiritually and that is admirable.  Maybe this message was for me and not you, but 1 thing it did confirm, after my chat with jake bordes, is that universal timing and faith are essential to any walk of life. Hope you enjoy.

staring at a blank canvas

My mind is just as blank. Numb. Empty. Disenfranchised and discouraged

I used to be so motivated. What happened? Where did I miss the turn?
Was i supposed to go left instead of right? Maybe I should have stayed

I feel like a gigantic disconnected energy source. No affirmation. No love. alone and grasping. Its like if you were working on the space shuttle and your safety cord got disconnected. Floating aimlessly in space. I watch others emblazoned by their purpose and I feel like I am standing still. I try not to judge, but then i wonder, when is it my time? Do I get a turn? (reverting back to childhood)

I have recently lost friends and work because of my posts. Some people say I am too extreme, others think I have "lost my marbles". Maybe there is some necessity or truth in losing ones mind in order to gain your life? I have way more questions than i have answers at this point in my life. I hope that love and trust have the answers. I hope that one day i can confi…

Silence is golden, or it will drive you batty!

I sit and watch the sunset. I begin to wonder who I am. Right now I am listening to "within" by Daft Punk. Its a moment that I can't escape, nor do I want to. I'm in a strange place, been here before but the significance of this one is stronger. The universe brought me here because it wants me to change. I have been doing things the same way for so long that change seems impossible.

Work is my biggest challenge and maybe I am not supposed to be doing what I have done for so long. People say do what you love and the money will follow. My problem is i love so many things that its hard to pigeonhole me into one thing. I know that I am going to have to do something to get cash flow. Living in the moment is great and it's a philosophy I have tried to live by for the latter part of my life, but in doing so, i have not saved anything for that rainy day.

I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be and all I can do at this point is have faith that …


It is near impossible to find anything. I have applied to at least 500 jobs and had maybe 10 serious interviews and the problem with my resume: Diversity

I wasn't one of those people who decided that one thing would be good for me. I did/tried everything. I thought for sure it would help me down the road as I could adapt and jump into any field with a myriad of experience. I often say, I am a jack of all trades and master of many. Its a great slogan but it doesn't seem to be working. Why, you might ask? It seems like the companies out there are still under the impression that stability is better than diversity.

Im tempted to throw my hands in the air, walk away from it all and just wander the streets. It gets to frustrating to deal with. Who knew that being good at so many things would be a detriment. Man I am so glad I got my Masters degree, what a great investment.

Until next time

PS. Sorry that I am not as positive upbeat as normally, but I am highly discouraged. Have a g…

deja vu

We have all had it.  You walk into a restaurant and you feel like you have been there before.  You meet a potential date and feel as if you have been there before, or it could even be as simple as reading something you feel you have read before.  Uncanny coincidence or Universal Intelligence?

So I am reading a book by Daniel Rechnitzer called "The All Knowing Diary" and it has kept my interest through all 120 pages so far (about 35 more to go).  Im not going to lie in that the book covers lots of ground and to summarize teaches us how to use more than the average 10% of our brains that we are currently using.  Daniel talks about Ego vs. True Self and how common held beliefs are not reality.

I will admit that there are times when this book gets a bit deep even for me.  It makes sense but it is just deep and often times you may find yourself reading and re reading a particular line, section or even chapter.  Eventually it will sink in and you will begin to see the message.  You …

Do Over Days

There are days when you wake up and wish you could do over. They just don't
start on the note you wished they would. You look and hope for the good, but
for some reason it chooses to hide itself under the same haystack in which
you have been looking for a needle. Its not to say that good isn't there if you don't look, but its more like a game of hide and seek. You run around all day looking for it, and when you think you have found the elusive bugger, you realize it was your shadow.

I have been reading lots of books about self-help, improvement, power of now and spiritual revelations. The one thing I can say is try to keep your head on you and try not to beat yourself up too much for trying to hard. Its the one thing that keeps you from moving forward. The negative speak, the I can'ts, the I didn't, then I should have, it all doesn't matter. Brush yourself off, take a deep breath, go for a run/walk/ride and get the fuck out of your head. It is the worst place to be…

Why i prefer g+ over facebook

I have been in the social media game here ever since myspace and blogger opened up.  I took my entire journal and put it on line; good, bad and everything in between.  I truly appreciate what social media can do for connecting people, ideas and even fostering events.

I just want to briefly discuss why I am finding myself more drawn to g+ as the days go by, although there are numerous reasons, I want to focus on one that stands out like a giant sequoia in a field of newly planted pines: CONTENT.  It seems to me that the quality of the content and relevance of the content you are looking for is far more streamlined on g+ than it is on facebook.

On facebook, I get the endless barrage of checkins from friends going to places, that I will probably never go to,  with people that I will probably never meet.  They photograph their latest meal, or brag about the latte they picked up from Starbucks, or check in for their workout to let the rest of the world know they got pumped.  Lately there …

Mothers Day

First and foremost, to all the Mothers, Mommies, Moms  and soon to be's that read my blog, Happy Mothers day to you.  It always amazes me that we only take 1 day to really appreciate Mothers, when in actuality, it is a 365 day appreciation.  To me Mothers day is like confessional.  Its a day when all kids and husbands confess all that they haven't been able to do and appreciate "Moms" for all they do.  The reality is Mothers day, and Fathers day for that matter,  should be everyday.  I also don't want to get into the which is more important Mothers or Fathers because this is mothers day we will stick to the subject at hand :-)

So I lost my Mother almost 2 years ago to cancer and not a day goes by that I don't wish she was still here.  There is something about having a Moms perspective in life that seems to make things right.  Often times we don't want to hear it because it goes against what we think we know, or maybe it is because we let pride get in the…

IronMan 3

I have to say this was the least favorite of the Iron man series.  Coming off the avengers, which had me riveted to my seat, this lackluster performance on many levels, disappointed me.  Tony begins to realize he is human and needs to slow down (what 40 something doesn't).  There were gaps of time with sheer boredom and slow scenes that didn't help the cohesion of the movie.  I felt as if it were piecemeal-ed together.  Like they had a beginning and an end and said "what do we do with the middle?"

Guy Pearce and Robert Downey delivered good performances  however, I just had a hard time relating to this movie in any way.  Ben Kingsley delivered a very unique performance and I liked the role he was given.  He can convince anyone that the sky is falling or to just relax and have a beer.  I can say that for the first time, I didn't even relate with the super hero (a little bit, but not enough to care).  My problem is when i go pay $10 to see an action film, I expect…


So I went to see 42 last night.  The irony is that I will be 42 this year myself.  I really had no idea what to expect with this movie.  I almost avoided it and decided on another, but after some convincing, I went to check it out.  I can say that I am not at all sorry for going to sit through this 2 hour and 8 minute movie.

Observation:   Jackie Robinson had a dream to play baseball and that is what he did.  Being the first African American to play Americas favorite game, he had to overcome many obstacles, both in his head and on the field. Do I think that racism still exists, absolutely!  Do I think it exists as it did during Jackie Robinsons day? No way.  I think being the first at anything pushes the limits and gets people hot under the collar.  This was extremely evident during this crucial time in our history.  The director did  a great job making you feel the tension in the air at the time.

One character who stood out and made you feel good throughout the whole movie was Jacki…

Showing up

So I haven't really written that much lately.  Have been going through changes in my own life and "trying to figure things out" with me.  Have you ever tried to do that, I mean really try and "figure things out".  I am learning that you really can't. What you can do is show up.  Instead of trying to put everything in order, try just showing up.

I realize there are the "knowns' and the "unknowns".  The knowns are the things you can plan for such as taking the kids to school, running to the bank, paying a bill online, grocery shopping.  There are also the unknowns and those are the times in between the knowns.  They are a time to reflect or maybe even appreciate, never deprecate.  As humans we like to see the things we aren't doing rather than all that we are or even sit quietly.

I have a very hard time with sitting quietly, primarily because sometimes i don't like the silence, but what I have learned is that the silence needs to b…

Reinventing myself and why its so hard

So I have decided to go a different direction in life.  I have decided to pursue a life in technology.  I have always loved tech.  Whether it is a new phone, camera, computer, television or tablet, I love new gadgets and the technology that fuels those gadgets.  I have always been the goto guy when it comes to tech.  A perfect example is being at the coffee shop today and the guy next to me saw my two phones and asked my thoughts on them.  I shared and he appreciated the feedback.  A few minutes later he asked how to share a map location on the iphone with google maps.  I shared and he was incredibly thankful.

As many of you know, I am a tech geek and as my friend Jen called me the other day she said I am a technosexual.  I know have to figure out how to transition into this new life?  My father was in the travel industry for 40 years.  He started at 18 and died at 59 being a travel agent.  He had told me at 45 that he was tired of the industry and wanted to get out.  I told him that…