Attacking a problem---The Hard Truth

I have been staring at this page for too goddamn long.  Yes it was blank until a minute ago.  It only took me three + weeks to finally put some words down. No ideas have been floating in my head, no magical inspiration...nothing.  It's as if all my awesome thoughts were stolen and burned and then diluted by water in the garden.  To say I am unfocused is an understatement, or maybe it's because I am too focused.

I left my most recent 3rd part time job.  Nothing wrong with the company, yet everything is wrong.  I got a corporate email that said basically effective immediately, everything changes.  I saw the change being a possible potential but I felt it really didn't align with my values of hard work.  I wish I could go into more specifics, but I cannot, because I am bound by, lets just say decency.

Since leaving my job, I have moved and have started driving for Uber and Lyft full time.  I never thought at my age I would have to work this hard but the cold hard fact is, be…

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I broke up with caffeine...

So it has been a bout 5 days since caffeine and I broke up.  I had a few friends and a nurse practitioner send me a few articles relating to caffeine and the effects on "older" men.  After doing some "Non Fake News research, I decided to give up my love for the black gold. 

It was fucking hard and I never thought it would be this rough.  The first three days headaches were so bad that when I was lying in bed at night, I thought I was going to have to run to the ER and have them do a Cat Scan.  The pounding at the base of my skull wasn't tolerable. (It was but I have never felt pain like that).  It felt as if someone took a wooden baseball bat and smashed it against the base of my skull.  Then the pain above my eye sockets became like a constant nail slowly hammered into my head.

Some of the reasons I gave it up:

Cardiovascular ProblemsApproximately 4 cups of coffee or a beverage with equivalent amounts of caffeine can raise blood pressure for many hours. The measure…

Here to help!

So the last few months have awakened, saddened, infuriated, disinfected me, discouraged & deflated as well as inspired me, all in a matter of moments.  I guess the hardest thing to get rid of is the ego and realizing that life may not all be the way you had envisioned it.  Its about keeping an open mind to learn the things that matter and be humble enough to say that you don't know everything and that you need help.
In my countless and discouraging search for a job, I found my meaning.  I realized that yes a job defines me, but I am not a worker as many are.  I can't go do a 9 to 5 job on the weekday and deliver awe inspiring results. I have always offered myself to be of help to others, whether I have had the financial wherewithal to do so.  For me it was a matter of being human and realizing that every person out there needs some sort of help.  The truth is, getting them to realize it or better yet, allowing yourself to be the beacon that ignites when the lights go dark…

Car Life: Weekish 1 & 2

So at first I was thinking car life was a curse.  I mean it caused the demise of my relationship, it was cold and I had to give away a bunch of shit I bought.  I felt like I was a bad person for having to do this, however, based on all the information I had at the time, it seemed like the best decision and I still stick by that. My theory is whatever comes to the surface will.

When I started telling people about it, I thought for sure that I was going to be ostracized or shunned or judged, but to my surprise, that isn't what happened.  People became generous, they offered a place to park and sleep, or a place to pitch a tent (which I found a killer deal for about $50 for a 1 man tent and sleeping bag----I am still thinking if I want to take advantage of it.) and others offered a place to crash like their floor in the living room, a spare room for a few nights or just a couch.  I was truly humbled. 

I told everyone that I would take them up on that when I needed a good night sleep…

The New Age of Homelessness

I'm not proud to admit it, but yes, I am homeless.  A 46 year old, Masters educated individual living out of my car.  I made choices in my life that were less than "traditional".  I got frustrated with the system and decided to travel the world.  I came back home and decided to give it a go again.  I tried in Oregon, but the rain was too much for me and I didn't see too many opportunities there. I came back to cali and try and start over.

I feel that although I am talking about this, it is something that is occuring more than we know.  Wages for educated people aren't going up unless of course your in the right field.  Average income in 2017 was $73,000.  Median income is somewhere around $59,000.  If you are single, AGI was roughly $34,000. In one study I read in order to live a "good life" in America, you need $150,000 a year.  I can say that those of us living out of our cars are no where near that # (median, average or "good life").  I kn…

No words can express the fracture in my heart. No time can heal the loss of your smile.

I can't write this without crying.  I feel a whole new level of pain that I have never experienced before. Its surreal and I am still in shock.  When I got the call on Sunday night, I felt my heart sink to new depths.  As it sits now, my cousin Jake is no longer with me and that is a hard pill to swallow. He was my little brother in a sense.
It all started in 2007.  I had just come out of a bad break up with a girl I was engaged to for 4 years that couldn't commit. I had to make the decision for both of us because there was nothing left to do.  She moved out in December of 2006.  I started singleness in 2007.  I was on wellbutrin and had been taking it for a number of years to help with the depression of my divorce and my father's death.  I finally decided I was done with that shit.  I quit cold turkey.
I phased my life out of the bike shop around March of 2007 as I was getting lots of work in the event space.  It was good for me to travel but I had to leave my kitties to th…

Opinion Piece: Making your life yours

Mark Manson Crushed it with his THE FEAR OF MISSING OUT: OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE INSTAGRAM.  If you haven't had a chance to read it or you don't follow him, do both. He is a gifted writer and seems to write articles exactly when I need to read them. Aside from growing a mullet, drinking beer in a fold up chair, or drinking jack daniels "Leaving Las Vegas" Style, he is definitely a breath of fresh air and a source of my sanity.

A few weeks ago I gave up social media. Completely.  No Facebook, No Instagram, No Snapchat, No Tumblr, No Twitter...nada.  The only social I will be doing is old fashioned phone calls and writing in my blog (aka my journal). I always had this fear that I was missing out on something. I would see cute little families with their perfect post, or I would see these amazing vacation photos and think "Man I wish my life was that good".  This happened every single fucking day.  It was like a religion.  I would wake up and…

Amazing people on my journey: Cassie Frye

It's was a somber day in the Bordes car yesterday. It was hard to drive yesterday morning without breaking into tears every 10 minutes.  One of my very close friends, Erik lost the love of his life. Words can't really describe what I'm feeling it's a painful yet joyful experience. Joyful in the sense that the person is no longer in pain but painful in that this person is no longer with us.

We go through life thinking that it's forever oftentimes stressing reading about this bill that bill or where we're going to be living in 6 months for what vacation we're going to take next year when in truth we need to be living for this moment and only this moment. There is no other moment.

I've known Erik since I was about 22 years old. I dated his babysitter for several months after a bad breakup.  I never knew if Erik hated me for so many years because I unplugged his nintendo when he had the highest score ever on a video game.  Erik ended up becoming really good…