Showing posts from August, 2008

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"You killed the part of me that cares"

So i have this shirt that i bought at Nordstrom from the RVCA network. It has the above mentioned wording and a picture of a dove, that looks like it is flying upside down. I wear the shirt every so often, and i get some interesting comments on it. Most people laugh when they read it.

I tried to figure out what it means to me. I am a decent person and try to be great to my fellow human being. In thinking about this shirt and its relevance to me and realize that after my break up 2 years ago to my ex-fiance, the shirt talks directly about my ability to have emotions. Either she or the relationship caused me to not care anymore, not about people, but to really get involved in relationships. I have a hard time getting emotionally involved with anyone.

Part of it is because, I don't feel i have the ability to let go like that anymore. When you give so much of yourself to someone, you lose faith in yourself. When you lose faith in yourself, you have lost the game. My problem i…

Friends to me are like food....

So last night i got a call from one of my most insightful and best friends in the whole world. Erik called me last night at about 10pm my time and we talked for at least an hour. He said he was catching up on my fathers book and was only two chapters behind.

We talked about life, work and love. He told me that he had been working like a dog for a few weeks and tried to take it a bit easy and visit some friends in New York for a week or so. I advised him that I hadn't worked int a while and that could be a good or bad thing.

I shared with him that i was having a hell of a time getting by with my company and the lack of work for the month. I shared with him that the bills were piling up and that I wasn't sure if i would be able to pursue the dream. I was feeling a bit down and disgruntled. He shared with me a story of having a similar situation when he moved to North Carolina. He managed to find 200 dollars and used 100 of it for his gas and folded the other hundred in his…

A venti Misto and a coffee cake

So I seemed to have arrived at that place of desperation again. I am
enjoying, possibly, my last luxury in life. I have been trying to make
my mark on the world, and once again have my tail between my legsI tried to make a go of a communications company and in the process,
have fallen flat on my face. I don't know how many more tries I have
in me. How many times do u get beat down before you decide to stay down?I am at a loss for words and just don't really give a fuck what
happens at this point. I believe the universe will dole whatever I
need/ or don't need and I just keep accepting that everything is out
of control and out of my controlI know what I keep doing wrong and it's time to grow up and get a real
9 to 5. I may be a born leader, but I have zero business skillsI wish I could be a rich and talented man, but apparently I gave that
up when they doled out my looks. I got the looks but no brains.Maybe next time, if there is one