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It is what it is...

If life were always easy, would there be merit?  Sure it would be nice to always have money in the bank, a sunshine personality, and no backstabbing friends, but the truth is, we were never guaranteed any of that. When something goes your way, it is enjoyable and fulfilling and gives you a sense of understanding and appreciation.  The difficult times, judge your character.  Its easy to run away from conflict, heartache and strife, but what benefit do you get?

Not every situation in your life is going to "come up roses".  My own struggle with my Mom's cancer has lead me through every emotion known to mankind.  I have experienced joy, anger, sadness, despair, lonliness and depression, to name a few.  In truth, there are times I just want to run away, but in reality, I know exactly why I am where I am.  Whether its to be by moms side for a few moments and tell her I love her while she sleeps, or to hold her hand for an hour while she battles the intense pain in her mouth, it's where I need to be.

Often times I am hard on myself and feel like I should be staying at the hospital 24 hours a day in hopes of a miraculous recovery.  The voice in my head becomes so loud that I have to silence it and remind it that I am human and have a life.  I need to take care of me and my obligations to family, friends and work.  One of my favorite sayings is, "It is what it is..." and I say it often and remind myself to breathe and be present in this moment.

Instead of being hard on yourself for the accomplishments you feel you haven't achieved, or for the goals you think your parents or friends want you to attain, try complimenting yourself on the road that you have just traveled down.  Look back in awe and wonder at both the trials and tribulations that you have experienced.  Then, lace up your shoes and get ready to move forward down the path with a sense of achievement.  You are a blessing and your purpose is now.

Until next time...


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Feels like a throat punch to my heart

So, I thought today was going to be just another Sunday of lounging around and netflixing.  I don't think I have ever been so wrong in my life.  To start with, Facebook reminded me of my memories.  I happened to click on a friends link and decided to follow another link to my very first girlfriends sisters page.  Its random how I got there, but I blame facebook.

To my shock, I saw that her sister had passed on the 22nd of November.  I was shocked because I knew that she wasn't that old.  I reached out to an old mutual acquaintance and found out it was pretty sudden and unexpected.  That had me in some kinda mood.  Because of that, I began to text and email friends and check in and make sure then were okay.

I got a text message from a close colleague I used to work with at a previous job.

Beck: "whats shakin CB"
Me: "Not much just wanted to say hello.  Had a wake up call today.  Found out first girlfriends sister just passed away.  So sad...she was young"

Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones.

I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this move …

Movie Review: The Family Fang- 4.5 out of 5 stars

Narrator:  Imagine your dead. Feel yourself go numb. Start with your fingers, move to your hands, your wrists, right on up to your elbows. Everything is dead. If we can imagine our own death, but still manage to come back to life, then it proves we can survive, anything.

Baxter Fang: Don't be afraid. Own the moment. If you're in control then the chaos will happen around you and not to you.

This was one of the best and possibly overlooked movies of 2015 (which is why I am just now reviewing it in 2016) in my humbled opinion.  Jason Bateman is not only an incredible actor, but an extremely talented director.  I was never a fan of arrested development (probably because I never watched it).  However, after seeing Bad Words and now The Family Fang, I have a whole new respect for Jason Bateman

The story line:Annie and Baxter, the adult children of the controversial husband and wife conceptual performance art couple famous for their quirky macabre public performances, have never got ove…