The Mundane and the Usual

By -
Have you ever had a day suck really bad?  This was one of those days.  I was ten minutes late getting to work because of traffic.  I wasn't able to punch down past 6 inches on many of the soil vapor holes.  I met a cool guy today.  He was Persian.  I told him about Fatima and he said to hold on to her that middle eastern women are exotic and a rare breed.

I also got the news back from the FBI and I didn't pass the first battery of the tests.  It sucks to fail, but I think it is just a reminder that maybe that is not the direction I am supposed to be working towards.  I am just bummed because I haven't had any big successes in the career department.  I just seem to float from job to job.  I wish I was more driven as a child so that I could have gotten better grades, I would have excelled and therefore gotten into better schools and therefore found a better career.

The FBI would have been a great way to start the career path.  I could start thinking about buying a house and possibly a family.  Now it is back to the drawing board.  I have to reconsider my life and in all truth the "Chad" and "Fatima" connection.  It is just a thought.  I know I cant do what I am doing for long.  My wrist is already hurting me do to overuse.  I was getting excited about the career possibility with the FBI.  It would have been a great challenge.  I am looking at the Sheriffs outside and thinking, "there is an option" , but that won't work because of the stress and burnout factor.

I wonder what my dad would say in all of this?  I am overwhelmed by everything right now.  Can't make ends meet, Bills are over my head and I owe everyone in the world money

No more wasting time...

No more stress eating and drinking…

No more lying to myself...

No more many things...

I am tired and want to sleep.  Today has been crappy.  The next few days will be about the same.  I need something to keep me going.  I am tired of waiting for that day.  I hope that someday I find my calling or a job that I can do until I die.  I enjoy where I work, but have my doubts that it will be long term.  Friday, i am in the shop again.  I hate that because it means 8 hours of bullshit work.  I hate filling in the blanks that way.  Coming back to now...

I am sad about the FBI.  Wanted so bad to get in.  Would have had great opportunities.I am going to bed.  I am leaving here and heading for the homestead.  Maybe tomorrow will be kind and bring me better news than that of today.  Remember that a journey is made up of each day.  Failure is an option...

Until next time...
I am just a guy in the world, trying to do right by others. I feed the homeless, love watching movies and reading. Hiking and cycling are my two favorite things in the world. I love great conversation and tend to be interested in many things. Open to conversation: https://m.me/cbordes71

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for submitting your comment. I will review and add it to my blog comments shortly. Thank you so much for reading!

Most Popular Posts

Broken heart and irreplaceable smile

By -
Image
I can't write this without crying.  I feel a whole new level of pain that I have never experienced before. Its surreal and I am still in shock.  When I got the call on Sunday night, I felt my heart sink to new depths.  As it sits now, my cousin Jake is no longer with me and that is a hard pill to swallow. He was my little brother in a sense. It all started in 2007.  I had just come out of a bad break up with a girl I was engaged to for 4 years that couldn't commit. I had to make the decision for both of us because there was nothing left to do.  She moved out in December of 2006.  I started singleness in 2007.  I was on wellbutrin and had been taking it for a number of years to help with the depression of my divorce and my father's death.  I finally decided I was done with that shit.  I quit cold turkey. I phased my life out of the bike shop around March of 2007 as I was getting lots of work in the event space.  It was good for me to travel but I had to leave my k
Read more

I broke up with caffeine...

By -
Image
So it has been a bout 5 days since caffeine and I broke up.  I had a few friends and a nurse practitioner send me a few articles relating to caffeine and the effects on "older" men.  After doing some "Non Fake News research, I decided to give up my love for the black gold.  It was fucking hard and I never thought it would be this rough.  The first three days headaches were so bad that when I was lying in bed at night, I thought I was going to have to run to the ER and have them do a Cat Scan.  The pounding at the base of my skull wasn't tolerable. (It was but I have never felt pain like that).  It felt as if someone took a wooden baseball bat and smashed it against the base of my skull.  Then the pain above my eye sockets became like a constant nail slowly hammered into my head. Some of the reasons I gave it up: Cardiovascular Problems Approximately 4 cups of coffee or a beverage with equivalent amounts of caffeine can raise blood pressure for many hours. T
Read more

Feels like a throat punch to my heart

By -
Image
So, I thought today was going to be just another Sunday of lounging around and netflixing.  I don't think I have ever been so wrong in my life.  To start with, Facebook reminded me of my memories.  I happened to click on a friends link and decided to follow another link to my very first girlfriends sisters page.  Its random how I got there, but I blame facebook. To my shock, I saw that her sister had passed on the 22nd of November.  I was shocked because I knew that she wasn't that old.  I reached out to an old mutual acquaintance and found out it was pretty sudden and unexpected.  That had me in some kinda mood.  Because of that, I began to text and email friends and check in and make sure then were okay. I got a text message from a close colleague I used to work with at a previous job. Beck: "whats shakin CB" Me: "Not much just wanted to say hello.  Had a wake up call today.  Found out first girlfriends sister just passed away.  So sad...she was young&qu
Read more

Screw back up plans

By -
Image
Yes I said it.  Yes I have had quite a few unsuccessful ventures and I have recently started reading blogs that suggest backup plans.  I don't agree and I will tell you why. When you have a back up plan you have an "oh shit that didn't work and I have to do something about it". Its like whatever it is going on in your life is going to fail or stop being at some point. Newsflash: You are correct!  NOTHING lasts forever. Your job, your marriage, your income stream, your family and most certainly not your startup or your job.  For those of you wishing to go back to the old days, its not going to happen.  The age of chivalry is dying and the startup that you create will be dead within 10-15 years.  We don't live in our parents or grandparents economy. Hell the way we communicate is changing. See example below and try and decipher what I am saying to you ☝☺✊✋✌❤👀👂👃👄👬👭👮👪👫👶💋💖💔💞😀😑😚😥🙆🙅🙈🙉🙊😞😞😞 Did you figure it out yet.  If so, please pat y
Read more

Just a friendly update on me :-)

By -
Image
Hey everyone Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego. I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones. I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this m
Read more