Chad Writes Stuff

Election day is tomorrow.  It has been a long time since journaling.  I need to do it more often.  I think it helps me sort out feelings and emotions.  Fatima and I are moving in a month.  It will be exciting and sad at the same time.  I miss the sunsets here.  I will surely miss the view and some of the people. School is very tough.  I am having a hard time adapting.  I don't seem to be grasping the concepts that simply.  Finance is kicking my ass.  I wan to get a job that will allow me to be responsible.  I think monotony has become law.  Fatima and I seem to be doing very well.  My money situation sucks ass.  I hope my loan disbursement goes okay, otherwise no apartment.  I fucked up my math Until next time...

Here again, a year later and no consistency.  I start my masters this weekend  and I am nervous as the fattened pig of spring.  I have been out of school for almost 10 years.  I am not sure what to expect.  I hope I can pull it off.  I am nervous about not working.  I gues that is just the norm for me.  I want to find a career but that seems near impossible in this day and age.  We have career expectancy of 1 to 3 years.  I am unsure of my own career path.  I chose computer information systems.  I am hoping technology is the field to stay in.  I have also planned to pursue real estate on the side.  I have that personality.  It seems as if I have been at the train station my whole life (or since the exit of college) Losing my job with TravelTrust was a huge blow to my ego.  I am certain I wasn't supposed to stay there.  The travel industry is a dying bird. Unemployment is 1600 per month which helps Fatima and I while I look for work.  I have an appointment with Enterprise on monday ...

Eventful yet stagnant day.  Worked a job in Santa Fe Springs today.  Saw a man walking his dog at 4:30, Geese flying in San Clemente, and an iridescent  green building just off the 5 outside of LA. Feelings were minimal, thoughts small.  What did i notice today, what did i learn.  Did i learn something, anything or anymore about myself.  The day was not insignificant, Every day has meaning, every day has purpose. Although most of the day was spent waiting and sleeping, I can't help but feel saddened by the current state of my life.  Frozen, unmoveable, tired, restless…stuck.  My life has become structure to achieve balance.  Balance begets conformity, conformity=norm.  Mediocrity is okay in everyones mind.  Settle or don't be sought after.  Was Thoreau wrong with transcendentalism?  becoming one with nature and surroundings.  What purpose do we achieve by letting go.  When we ascertain certain ideals, do we not forget the premise of other beliefs we have held.  Confidence is a ...

3.5 out of 5 stars It was a good movie.  Made me realize I need to journal, don't ask me why.  My life has become mundane.  I guess it is all the non small stuff I have been noticing.  It seems as if I am searching for something beyond me. Outside of the realm of who I am, I feel as if my skin is rotting off of my core. Happiness is an illusion sold to us by TV commercials.  Who we are is our dreams but the minutes of our mind, drive us insane, slowly.  As if fate could not be more kind and let us dissolve more rapidly, we rather fade into and out of conscious feebleness.  We notice the large everyday-ness of life but forget the small, seemingly insignificant details.  Today the sun shined from the east and clouds were few.  A convict was picked up in El Cajon for a crime we may have all committed in our minds.  The breeze was cooler than normal.  A tenant painted over graffiti that was carelessly strewn the night before. ...

Have you ever had a day suck really bad?  This was one of those days.  I was ten minutes late getting to work because of traffic.  I wasn't able to punch down past 6 inches on many of the soil vapor holes .  I met a cool guy today.  He was Persian.  I told him about Fatima and he said to hold on to her that middle eastern women are exotic and a rare breed. I also got the news back from the FBI and I didn't pass the first battery of the tests.  It sucks to fail, but I think it is just a reminder that maybe that is not the direction I am supposed to be working towards.  I am just bummed because I haven't had any big successes in the career department.  I just seem to float from job to job.  I wish I was more driven as a child so that I could have gotten better grades, I would have excelled and therefore gotten into better schools and therefore found a better career. The FBI would have been a great way to start the career path.  I coul...