a new year...

So it hit me like a ton of bricks last night. Here I am on New Years eve without a thing to do. I just put in a long day on the jobsite hauling 250+ sheets of 1/2 inch and 5/8 inch sheet rock into a house. I was a little exhausted and tired but ready to have a beer or two. I lined up plans, but as the night progressed, they fell through and by 10pm, I decided to turn out the lights and go to bed.

I realized truly for the first time what it is like to truly be alone on a New years. Part of it could be, the company that I chose to keep and another part could be that I am just different. I turned my phone off and decided to just be in the moment and feel what it felt like. I felt my mind thinking and telling me that something was wrong with me or that I am not a worthy person. I thought about the people I may have hurt in the past, specifically this year. I just really stayed in the feeling place of being in the now.

As I stayed in that place, it became more evident to me that I was exactly where I need to be on this New Years eve, Not in some bar drinking and unable to connect with real people because of clouded judgement, but rather in my bed, resting, from a hard days work.

I begin to realize that on this new day of this new year, some of us are called to a different purpose. I look inward and see that many people are drawn to me for counsel and advice. I haven't been successful at relationships and I attribute that to the calling in my life. Being in a relationship may slow me down or possibly take away my focus. You have to be broken down in order to realize where you really stand in light of things.

Please hear me: I am in no way saying that I hate my life, or that I am miserable, or that I have been short changed. I am stating that we all have differnt callings in life and to be present enough in your own life to realize what that voice may be saying.

So as I begin 2010, I look forward to the spiritual journey that I will be taking. Not focused so heavily on how much I can make or save but rather the ability to help those around me and build them up as well as well as increase my spriritual awareness. I look forward to the connections that I wil make this year and the significance of where I am in life at this moment. I look forward to helping others become successful at whatever that may be. I also revel in the moment that I am in...right now.

May you have a blessed 2010 and I look forward to continuing this journey and the discussion.

Until next time...