Chad Writes Stuff

Dear Dad... W ell its been almost 11 years since you passed.  It seems a lot has changed since you were here, or at least it seems to me.  The biggest thing I notice is that you are not around for me to call anymore when I have those bad days.  I miss hearing your voice on the other end of the line.  Sometimes you gave advice and other times you just listened.  I always counted on you being there and I kinda miss it every so often. Mom is doing okay.  She misses you the most, although, i would say it is a tie.  She has her health issues, but she she is doing okay. I try to visit her as often as I possibly can. She is getting fragile but still as beautiful as you remember her.  She has a smile that warms the core of my being and our relationship since you passed has become incredibly strong.  If I can't come visit, I try and give her a call weekly just to let her know that I love her.  She is still an avid crossword and now souduku puzzle figure-outer (I just made that word, I know...

Well today was very hard again emotionally. Maryann read a letter that she wrote and said she still wishes she was carrying our child. I find it extremely hard to believe after a weekend with Mark. I think she said it to make me feel better. Who knows... I only worked till 11:30 today due to her flight coming in. I had to wrestle with emotions, but in the end, I think I am okay with moving on. She admitted to having sex this weekend. She said she didn't but I know better in my heart. She might not love Mark, but she sure doesn't love me. Time to move on. Acceptance---It happened and there is no more making love to her. No more cuddling, just talk. (As i am writing this I am thinking "I wish i could make love to her because she looks so good" Time to move on for me. I will miss her but I have learned so much. I don't want to write anymore today. I am tired of writing for now and will read. Goodnight... I do love me. Until next time...