Chad Writes Stuff

Eventful yet stagnant day.  Worked a job in Santa Fe Springs today.  Saw a man walking his dog at 4:30, Geese flying in San Clemente, and an iridescent  green building just off the 5 outside of LA. Feelings were minimal, thoughts small.  What did i notice today, what did i learn.  Did i learn something, anything or anymore about myself.  The day was not insignificant, Every day has meaning, every day has purpose. Although most of the day was spent waiting and sleeping, I can't help but feel saddened by the current state of my life.  Frozen, unmoveable, tired, restless…stuck.  My life has become structure to achieve balance.  Balance begets conformity, conformity=norm.  Mediocrity is okay in everyones mind.  Settle or don't be sought after.  Was Thoreau wrong with transcendentalism?  becoming one with nature and surroundings.  What purpose do we achieve by letting go.  When we ascertain certain ideals, do we not forget the premise of other beliefs we have held.  Confidence is a ...

3.5 out of 5 stars It was a good movie.  Made me realize I need to journal, don't ask me why.  My life has become mundane.  I guess it is all the non small stuff I have been noticing.  It seems as if I am searching for something beyond me. Outside of the realm of who I am, I feel as if my skin is rotting off of my core. Happiness is an illusion sold to us by TV commercials.  Who we are is our dreams but the minutes of our mind, drive us insane, slowly.  As if fate could not be more kind and let us dissolve more rapidly, we rather fade into and out of conscious feebleness.  We notice the large everyday-ness of life but forget the small, seemingly insignificant details.  Today the sun shined from the east and clouds were few.  A convict was picked up in El Cajon for a crime we may have all committed in our minds.  The breeze was cooler than normal.  A tenant painted over graffiti that was carelessly strewn the night before. ...

Have you ever had a day suck really bad?  This was one of those days.  I was ten minutes late getting to work because of traffic.  I wasn't able to punch down past 6 inches on many of the soil vapor holes .  I met a cool guy today.  He was Persian.  I told him about Fatima and he said to hold on to her that middle eastern women are exotic and a rare breed. I also got the news back from the FBI and I didn't pass the first battery of the tests.  It sucks to fail, but I think it is just a reminder that maybe that is not the direction I am supposed to be working towards.  I am just bummed because I haven't had any big successes in the career department.  I just seem to float from job to job.  I wish I was more driven as a child so that I could have gotten better grades, I would have excelled and therefore gotten into better schools and therefore found a better career. The FBI would have been a great way to start the career path.  I coul...

Decent day today.  I don't have a lot to write.  Fatima is studying for her finals and I hope she does well.  She is tired so I let her sleep until 7pm.  When she woke up she was way tired but had to head home.  I finally fell asleep at 10 and Fatima called at midnight to let me know she got tickets for Sunday for Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.  I am so excited.  It should be fun because Noah, Her mom and Dad and Rami will be there. Today was a good day Until next time...

Interesting day for me.  Work started out okay and then I got a call @10 from Fatima.  She wanted to call it quits because she found an old profile on MSN that I used to use to meet up with girls.  I told her it was deactivated, or so I thought.  She found the profile on my computer and thought that I was having cyber sex with girls.  I explained to her that I wasn't, but I was using them to communicate with other adults about my sexual thoughts anonymously. I wanted to get others opinions about sex and what it is like for them and what is acceptable and not acceptable.  I wasn't really trying to be sly about it, I was just curious.  I think it is an area we will have to work on and may have to take some time to discuss.  I haven't really been comfortable enough to discuss my thoughts with anyone, girls or guys, or Fatima, so I guess this turned out to be a blessing. Until next time.