When I go to the south...

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I have to admit something. I hate coming to the south. It's not because of the friendly people, it's not about, being called sir or even because of grits, it's because it exposes a nerve, a nerve that isn't present when I am in California.

I think when I am here, I often experience my emotions a lot more. I allow myself to feel. Maybe that's because I am not in cali and allow myself to feel and be present in the moment, all the while removing my mask of emotionless thoughts and feelings when I am home.

I expose a nerve and say what if. What if I would have stayed in the south? Would I have continued with my faith, would I have married, would I have started a family, would I have found true love? Would I have married high school or college sweetheart?

I'm not sure i will find the answers to that question. A bigger question that exists in all of our minds, which is why are we here. Is there a purpose? What is our sole mission? This is the nerve that is exposed while here, vulnerability and openness. Isn't that how we should live every day.

Until next time...
I am just a guy in the world, trying to do right by others. I feed the homeless, love watching movies and reading. Hiking and cycling are my two favorite things in the world. I love great conversation and tend to be interested in many things. Open to conversation: https://m.me/cbordes71

Comments

  1. Roxanne AngelleOctober 26, 2010 at 11:45 PM

    While I have never lived away from the southern United States, I must admit that upon visits to my hometown I've had similar thoughts and questions. It is impossible to know what might have happened in your life if you had chosen a different path. However, it is possible to change the path that you are on. You can look at what currently makes you happy and what things you would change if you could. I've recently realized that although I would never again want to live in the place where I grew up, I do enjoy short visits home and spending time with friends who have known me since childhood is a feeling that I have not found any other place. During these visits I've wondered if I could have been happier if I had stayed closer to home and was able to be a part of these people's lives everyday. I think that we both know you make your own happiness wherever you go. It's a very natural thing to wonder what if....

    I am curious as to why you feel more open and vulnerable while in the south. Could it be the comfort that comes with being here? Do you feel the need to be more guarded while in California? And if so, then why? Personally, I tend to be more guarded while at "home". I feel like people tend to see me as they want to see me or as they remember me being once upon a time. I don't always feel as if I can completely be myself. After moving to Florida I found that I felt free. I was living in a place where I only knew 3 people upon arrival. Of course, one of these 3 people was your cousin John so that changed very quickly. ;) However, it allowed me to be whoever I wanted to be in that moment. And I found that no matter how I changed or evolved most everyone accepted me and those changes that came along.

    Today as I sit here writing this I am once again living somewhere new, where I know very few people. It is a bit scary being out of your comfort zone and it is a bit of an adjustment living away from the beach but I am excited about this new turn that my life has taken and I cannot wait to find out what the future holds for me here in Hattiesburg.

    As always thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and for opening up our own as well. Go about the rest of the year trying to be more open no matter where you are Chad. You might be surprised at what you find!

    Much Love,

    Roxanne

    ReplyDelete
  2. AmyNovember 1, 2010 at 2:21 AM

    My husband and I love going south. We live up in the northeast corridor of this country of ours and when we come south the first day or two is like "OH MY GOD could you people take any MORE TIME to do EVERYTHING???"

    But then we settle in, settle down, acclimate to the pace and take time to enjoy our days, our life, each other... and then we come home and talk about moving south for the rest of our lives... apparently... I mean it's been 3 years so far and we're still talking about it.

    HM http://hamletsmistress.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete

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