Skip to main content

When I go to the south...

I have to admit something. I hate coming to the south. It's not because of the friendly people, it's not about, being called sir or even because of grits, it's because it exposes a nerve, a nerve that isn't present when I am in California.

I think when I am here, I often experience my emotions a lot more. I allow myself to feel. Maybe that's because I am not in cali and allow myself to feel and be present in the moment, all the while removing my mask of emotionless thoughts and feelings when I am home.

I expose a nerve and say what if. What if I would have stayed in the south? Would I have continued with my faith, would I have married, would I have started a family, would I have found true love? Would I have married high school or college sweetheart?

I'm not sure i will find the answers to that question. A bigger question that exists in all of our minds, which is why are we here. Is there a purpose? What is our sole mission? This is the nerve that is exposed while here, vulnerability and openness. Isn't that how we should live every day.

Until next time...

Comments

  1. While I have never lived away from the southern United States, I must admit that upon visits to my hometown I've had similar thoughts and questions. It is impossible to know what might have happened in your life if you had chosen a different path. However, it is possible to change the path that you are on. You can look at what currently makes you happy and what things you would change if you could. I've recently realized that although I would never again want to live in the place where I grew up, I do enjoy short visits home and spending time with friends who have known me since childhood is a feeling that I have not found any other place. During these visits I've wondered if I could have been happier if I had stayed closer to home and was able to be a part of these people's lives everyday. I think that we both know you make your own happiness wherever you go. It's a very natural thing to wonder what if....

    I am curious as to why you feel more open and vulnerable while in the south. Could it be the comfort that comes with being here? Do you feel the need to be more guarded while in California? And if so, then why? Personally, I tend to be more guarded while at "home". I feel like people tend to see me as they want to see me or as they remember me being once upon a time. I don't always feel as if I can completely be myself. After moving to Florida I found that I felt free. I was living in a place where I only knew 3 people upon arrival. Of course, one of these 3 people was your cousin John so that changed very quickly. ;) However, it allowed me to be whoever I wanted to be in that moment. And I found that no matter how I changed or evolved most everyone accepted me and those changes that came along.

    Today as I sit here writing this I am once again living somewhere new, where I know very few people. It is a bit scary being out of your comfort zone and it is a bit of an adjustment living away from the beach but I am excited about this new turn that my life has taken and I cannot wait to find out what the future holds for me here in Hattiesburg.

    As always thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and for opening up our own as well. Go about the rest of the year trying to be more open no matter where you are Chad. You might be surprised at what you find!

    Much Love,

    Roxanne

    ReplyDelete
  2. My husband and I love going south. We live up in the northeast corridor of this country of ours and when we come south the first day or two is like "OH MY GOD could you people take any MORE TIME to do EVERYTHING???"

    But then we settle in, settle down, acclimate to the pace and take time to enjoy our days, our life, each other... and then we come home and talk about moving south for the rest of our lives... apparently... I mean it's been 3 years so far and we're still talking about it.

    HM http://hamletsmistress.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feels like a throat punch to my heart

So, I thought today was going to be just another Sunday of lounging around and netflixing.  I don't think I have ever been so wrong in my life.  To start with, Facebook reminded me of my memories.  I happened to click on a friends link and decided to follow another link to my very first girlfriends sisters page.  Its random how I got there, but I blame facebook.

To my shock, I saw that her sister had passed on the 22nd of November.  I was shocked because I knew that she wasn't that old.  I reached out to an old mutual acquaintance and found out it was pretty sudden and unexpected.  That had me in some kinda mood.  Because of that, I began to text and email friends and check in and make sure then were okay.

I got a text message from a close colleague I used to work with at a previous job.

Beck: "whats shakin CB"
Me: "Not much just wanted to say hello.  Had a wake up call today.  Found out first girlfriends sister just passed away.  So sad...she was young"
B…

Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones.

I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this move …

Movie Review: The Family Fang- 4.5 out of 5 stars

Narrator:  Imagine your dead. Feel yourself go numb. Start with your fingers, move to your hands, your wrists, right on up to your elbows. Everything is dead. If we can imagine our own death, but still manage to come back to life, then it proves we can survive, anything.

Baxter Fang: Don't be afraid. Own the moment. If you're in control then the chaos will happen around you and not to you.

This was one of the best and possibly overlooked movies of 2015 (which is why I am just now reviewing it in 2016) in my humbled opinion.  Jason Bateman is not only an incredible actor, but an extremely talented director.  I was never a fan of arrested development (probably because I never watched it).  However, after seeing Bad Words and now The Family Fang, I have a whole new respect for Jason Bateman

The story line:Annie and Baxter, the adult children of the controversial husband and wife conceptual performance art couple famous for their quirky macabre public performances, have never got ove…