2000-09-08-the reckoning

Well it is 3am and I started packing up my stuff to move out by months end. I read Maryann's journal and it revealed all. The sex, the lies! How fucking Naive was I? I hope she is content with her choices. Like father like daughter. Marriage is not what it used to be. It seems that people used to honor marriage and were true to the vows they took. Not anymore. I feel I will not get involved in a relationship for a very long time because of this reason.

Marriage has turned into a noun instead of a covenant that it was supposed to be. Oh well, I am so fucked in the head right now so I don't think my vote really counts. I shall keep busy until months end. I cant dwell on this relationship any longer. She made her bed, now she can lie in it. I am not sure if she will be able to stay in the country, unless she decides to marry mark. Who knows, who really cares?

I am concerned for and about me now, Maryann is on her own. I will dream of positive change. I quit TGWW today. I am me and that is the best I can hope for right now. Focus on myself.

Continued later:

Rough day. I had to stay focused on positive information. Maryann hurt me so bad by what she did. I must forgive her so that I can move on. I helped Tony out at the Ponderosa today. I stained some wood for trim in the garage. I went to Kristi and told her about my situation. I told her I had to take a 3 month regroup/hiatus. She was fine with it. I went to the gym and worked out. It was awesome. I am going to get in the best shape of my life.

Tonight at dinner with Tony and crew, I shared with everyone what happened. They all support me and offered up anything that I may need. Its good to know that friends are there for you. Dinner was great and I headed back home after the feast.

Strausser and I went to CB & Potts, the new one that just opened up on 470. We met up with two chicks, Jennifer and Melissa. Jennifer was hot. She gave me her card. I may call her, who knows. We ended up getting pretty trashed. Came home and crashed hard.

Until next time...

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