2000-09-21

Well I overslept today. I guess its okay. I will still be able to get my workout in tonight. I told Maryann that i did not want to mention divorce anymore until we can finalize this (whatever it is)

I worked til 2:30. I spoke with Judi for an hour today. She wants to meet next monday. She has a great outlook on life as well as a great voice. She and her husband went through similar things that Maryann and I am going through. Her husband cheated on her, she cheated right back and then they went to counseling. She seems very nice and is married so I don't think pursuing is a good idea.

Counseling went well. Sandee say that I need to get more in tune with my feelings. We discussed the group session from last night. In all, it was very rewarding. I asked maryann if she would appreciate it if she would not talk to Mark during this trial we were going through.

I was checking email and her mobile rang...wonder who that is...Fucking Mark. Who knows how long they chatted. I know i feel betrayed and cheated. Maryann will not change and has no desire to change.

I can work on myself now. This is going to be a great weekend.. It would have been our 2 year anniversary. I feel that everything she has ever said to me is and was a lie. Thats okay by me because when it comes time to move out, it will be much easier. Since it was a lie, there was never a foundation and therefore no relationship. If it is built on a lie, it will never turn out well.

I need someone who is content with themselves. Maryann is not, she needs someone to complete her

I am looking at a picture of my dad...the sober dad that I know and love

Heart as big as gold, emotions never told

Choice in life paved the way, destined hours---tolls paid

May your life beyond be blessed, unlike your existence in this mess.

So misunderstood, so judged, your heart was pure

Best intentions shared; devised, sometimes ruined by the lie

May you rest in heaves well tonight, Battles on earth no more to fight

Until next time...