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2000-09-16-becoming strong again

Woke up at 7:30 and made some coffee. I checked email and plan to cut grass and plant some decorative grass and pull weeds. I am excited to go to the gym in about 20 or 30 minutes to run. Body for Life is going very well. I may be slightly screwed come monday due to no product but I am sure I will live and find a way to figure it out, I always do.

I hope Maryann and I will discuss last night and what it means to her. I think her emotional well being is okay. Soon to find out.

Chad S. keeps calling me. I am going to have to have a talk with him about this problem of playing sides. Unfortunately, he plays both sides of the fence. It reminds me of what my uncle brad used to do. I don't like that shit at all.

Seems that he was playing Maryann's side about moving back in with her. Then he went out with me and says that Maryann was not right for me, which may be true, but he is playing sides.

I feel strong again. I am slowly beginning to feel connected to the world again. I am slowly reaching the top of the mountain again. Slowly I am seeing options open up to me. I feel this is a spiritual thing for me. I am also realizing how many people are hurting and how I could be a light for them.

Greg K. called me and talked to me about how upset he is with everythign that is happening between him and Robert K. He is very confused about why Robert up and left him. I suggested he read, "Rebuilding, after the relationship ends." I told him that it will give him some insight into what has happened and possibly allow him the gift of understanding. I also told him about journaling and why I feel it is important.

He agreed and said he was going to buy a journal and the book. I told him to call if he needs to talk. I am slightly in the middle and need to accept it and see where greg is with his support systems.

I think he is going to have to stay busy. The more time he spends alone, the more time his wheels have time to turn and he thinks about what has happened. That is not good. Oh well, I will close for now. I just see how powerful my influence is on people. I love myself and am looking forward to the journey.

I am here for a reason and that reason becoming more evident everyday.
I respect and love myself and those around me
I am learning to take control of my life daily.

More later...

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Later that evening.
Maryann and I hada busy day readying the house for sale. We talked about how now one has ever been there for her. She said she has big abandonement issues and is very insecure about herself.

Right after our conversation, she went up to call Mark. Again, I think she has moved on. Mark is 10 years older than Maryann and has his best interest at heart. I think if Maryann goes down the relationship road with him, she may see the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Maybe she will find tru love. That would be a blessing for her. I would be happy for her if that is the case. I do think her insecurities will come back to haunt her again. Oh well, all I can do is listen.

I am getting better by the day. I am not so jealous of Mark anymore. I am very comfortable with myself and I am an incredible person. I love myself so much. I also look good too so that helps. I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life. I am looking forward to the challanges and confrontations.

Life is good but it is what you make of it. If you wake up and decide to be sad or depressed, then so be it and your day will follow suit. I am going to live my life as if it is my last and the best at the same time. I am living for the right now with my sights on whats next. I am a great person, I am on this journey for a reason and I love and respect all those around me.

I think I will make Maryann breakfast in bed tomorrow to show wher that not everyone is a bad person.

Until next time...

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