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September 28, 2000-Thursday

Today started off great and seemed to end that way as well. I posted an ad on excite personals and have been getting good responses off of it. This tends to bolster my self esteem a good bit. I went over to Rod's, our next door neighbor, to borrow his mower. I told him i wasn't working and he said he may have some work for me. He is really busy and needs someone to help him out.

Maryann and I had our last couples counseling session tonight. It went as well as can be expected and I am resigned to the fact that there is nothing more that can be said or done to fix this relationship. We got about mid way through and i told Nancy that I was done. I told her I realized that there are no concessions left in Maryann and that she wants the divorce...period! I think maryann will go to Nancy for individual. Seems like Maryann needs it, but who am i to judge, to each their own.

I worked out tonight after our session. The bike kicked my ass. Body for life is going great. I really enjoy the structure that it provides. It is a mini discipline program for me. On a different note, my father passed just over a month ago and I still haven't dealt properly with that. I was too worried on fixing my marriage. I am worried that it is going to hit me like an avalanche

Maryann and I went to the store and I bought face stuff and hair dye to bring back my natural color. My modeling agent says they don't like the bleach blonde look but that my facial structure was excellent. I showered and then emailed my cousin Johnny and my friend Megan

Overall, today seemed to be a good day. I felt positive and attracted positive energy. I hope that tomorrow brings much of the same. "Attitude is everything"

I love myself
I am on this journey for a reason and that reason is becoming more and more evident every day.
I respect and love everything.


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Feels like a throat punch to my heart

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Just a friendly update on me :-)

Hey everyone

Just wanted to give an update. You may remember that I said I was going to be coming back to California, well it is official.  I am heading down May 1. I will most likely take the train and stop in Napa to visit my cousin Stephen Bordes at his winery for a day or two.  From there, I will catch a train to San diego.

I am currently looking for work and open to any positions that may be available, I just ask that you don't hold it against me because I have a masters degree.  I have seen many companies shy away from hiring me because I have a Masters Degree.  I am honestly looking to get off my feet and find a base of operation. My home is California and I know that now.  I am native and the air, soil and water are in my bones.

I am looking to establish which means I will need to find a place to live (that I pay for monthly), maybe even get a car (down the road) for now I know that I will have to use the bus and I am okay with that. I am nervous as hell about this move …